I want the pain to go away. All the heart break, sadness, lonely nights, empty pill bottles, & watching the blood drip down my arms & legs after just having an episode. I need my thoughts to stop. I can’t handle it anymore. A few days ago my boyfriend slashed his wrists & took 20 xan bars because I tried to leave him. It was all my fault. I had to go over & clean up all of the blood after he got picked up by the ambulance. There was so much blood… it was all over the walls, the tv, the floor, the sink, etc. my mind is so messed up now I can’t even think right. I thought I was getting better but now it’s worse than it ever has been. I need it to stop. He said he did it because I was trying to leave him so that makes it my fault. I can’t leave him now because he will do it again so now I’m stuck in this unhealthy relationship & I want out. I want out of life.. someone please help.. I’ve been depressed for years.