Author

heybaby

I'm a freshmen in college, a metalhead, a gamer, and a big sister. I like... -video games -scary movies -YouTube -Drawing -Writing/reading Poems -Sleeping I have bad anxiety and depression.

I’m going to lose what I never even had!

by heybaby 4/29/2013

written by heybaby

There’s a guy that I love that, because of distance, I can’t date.

I really love him and he swears he loves me but-he doesn’t “do long distance” which is pretty much what we’re already doing. It’s exactly the same but I try not to let that hurt me.

I’m so afraid to lose him though…thinking of him, how I love talking to him and making him happy helps me survive the day. But-he’s not MINE. He’s not my boyfriend-he could leave and I wouldn’t be able to stop him. Thinking of us being together makes me smile and that helps push away the suicidal thoughts.

We were […]

4/29/2013 2 comments

Does anyone know how it feels?

by heybaby 4/28/2013

written by heybaby

Every dayÂ I wake up wishing that I hadn’t.

I’m always tired.Â That fatigue I feel cannot be cured by aÂ good nights sleep or a nap. Sometimes I feel that it will only ever truly be satisfied by death. Does anyone know what that’s like?

To wake up every morning sick to your stomach because you’re alive?

But-I try to bribe myself out of bed. I know that I have to keep myself busy-constantly run my brain because if I stop-those thoughts will catch up with me. I desperately try to find solace in the world. Feel the warmth of the sun, watch funny YouTube videos, draw…Â but it’s like trying […]

4/28/2013 6 comments

Suffering

by heybaby 4/28/2013

written by heybaby

I’m a freshmen in college-Best time of my life, right? Here’s what I have accomplished,Â failing classes, attempting suicide, countless anxiety attacks, depression and a stay at aÂ mental ward for a week.

Yeah,Â I tried to kill myself-I took…I don’t even remember how many handfuls of Tylenol. For awhile, the pills took away the pains I felt from either depression or the anxiety. I couldn’t feel anything. I banged my head against the wall-Nothing. I kept taking them, my heart was either beating too fast or too slow, I couldn’t tell which though. I got in the shower with my clothes on and just laid there. I was […]

4/28/2013 16 comments