“SHIT I DON’T KNOW!!” ..? Did anyone actually say those things? Regardless of whether they did say these two, are you creating in your own head what else you want them to say about you? Do you see that you are upset because you waste your time justifying yourself to others? Do you realize that justifying yourself is grounds for more ridicule? Do you realize the importance of self-worth? Do you know the difference between an egotist and an egoist? Will you find out that one is dependent on instant gratification and the other will demand that you become competent? Do you realize the importance of the struggle? Will you remain complacent?
Does anyone ever think that begging for help causes more depression. I know I didn’t; or rather, I didn’t want to accept.
Hell is not the place we go when we die, it is where we are right now, the reason why this website is in front of us.
“He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.” -Nietzsche.
I have recently finished Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead and I feel a great disturbance, now, as I partly felt before, when people say “I won’t judge” or “It will be alright” or “Do whatever that can make you happy right now.” You are all liars, or just plain unhelpful. Maybe my pace is to abrupt, and I show signs of my own monster, but I have been on this site for two hours trying to be compassionate in telling people what has helped me in pointing me away from the path of delusion; the delusion where I want everyone to know that I acknowledge my faults, of how I should be honored for knowing them, which I would then realize another fault to bring the delusional pain back into the unending spiral that only gets worse each time. The problem is complacency. Please, stop. Stop ignoring your own judgments, your intuition, your ego. There is egotism–dependent self-worth–and egoism–independent self-worth. You can only be truly compassionate with competence, not complacency, so I urge you all to take a moment to think about what you will do to the person when you say, “it will pass” or “I’ve been there before” or “It’s not your fault.” Why these delusions only make the fall even harder next time. Build your own ladder, because when these people return to their lives, and they don’t remain to hold you, you will fall. Stop! Just stop to think for a moment, what is the real reason and then what will actually help.
I always imagined, or at least told myself, that I should teach because I am better at helping others than I am at helping myself. I said this because I assumed that when people would be deluded by my apparent wisdom I would find a place to exist, but I can not exist like this because people move; I will have to infect another host to live off, and the instant gratification I am seeking can not ever be lasting happiness.
I hope you may read The Fountainhead and understand how the greatest compassion is derived from the greatest competence. I can only lead by example, so an example I shall become.
I am everything wrong; my most beautiful excuse is that I am a product of my time. I am the demon of wrath because I find a flaw in everything but have no ability to create peace of it. If I don’t stroke, I will continue to rain terror on those around me whom I try to call liars but are only honest with themselves against the entity that is me. I am not allowed to scream because only I can be screamed at. I am seeking attention and glorification because I surround myself with intriguing things that distract from my ugly side. It’s not until someone sticks around long enough that they realize it was too long. My gaiety is the ultimate signal of the farce that is my life; the things I laugh at, that should never be laughed at, the things I attack that should never be attacked; my self control is non existent. You can’t help me, because I would hate to see you try. Only I can help you, according to my record, to your fulfillment and my demise. If I had said it the other way around, again, the effect would be opposite what I say; always has, always will be.