I even failed myself.
It never gets easier does it?
Soot filled lungs and fire in my veins.Exhale smoke and breathing in pain.The air is a curse, it keeps me alive. It could be worse, but I still wanna die. Institutionalized. Darkness clouded my eyes. I’m so sick of the same old lies. God please put the sun in the sky. Staccato bursts of pain and I cry. Little lines etched in my thigh. I keep whispering my beautiful lie, we keep saying our beautiful lie. I’m okay, yes, I’m just fine. I’m so sick of these same old lies.
So tired of this. I just wish I had the guts to actually jump. I wish I didnt care. Someone once told me that you should do suicide the way you take off a band-aid quick and at once, no backing out, no thinking about it. If only I could do that… Fuck, why can’t I do that!?!?
All I want is to be okay. All I get is worse. I just want help but I’m too prideful to ask. And when I did. I got yelled at for not even talking to my mom about my problems. But that would end bad, since she’s one of them and God knows I’ll never trust someone who almost drug me to my grave.
Suicide is an option I can’t have. For though I would love it; the escape. I wouldn’t be able to leave him…Its cliche I suppose but he’s my foundation, without him I would truly collapse.
Lately I’ve just gotten worse and I can’t […]