Why you ask? “Why not?” I state. Fuck it’ I’m outta here.
My plan is motion. My method, divine. I’ll gain his trust. He will be blind to my plot. I will dazzle him with my enthusiasm for life, and then, when his head is turned and never-the-wiser, my plan will surpass the methods of past, and victory shall be mine. His pain will be great, as great as our love, but release from my pain will bring sweet victory at last. He will morn, and then move on, once I am gone.
It’s better for him to find someone worthy of his time. Someone who shines as he does. Who laughs and plays as he does. Who […]
He follows me from room to room. I lay down, and he is in the bedroom seconds later. I go into the kitchen, and he is there, right behind me. I walk outside, I watch t.v., I move…and he moves. Hell, if I even use the bathroom, I know he is out there, right outside the door, listening and waiting. As I type this, he is right behind me, glued to his computer as I am to mine. Ironically, he is ignorant enough of my desperate ways to find release that he does not read, or even notice, where I’m at in cyber land. In […]
Today was hard. I had to face some old ghosts and demons from my past that have always left me trembling and screaming. I couldn’t help but wonder why I try. I try… because it’s expected of me. I do what I’m expected too. I’m a good girl. Today was hard. Much, much harder than it should have been. Why does giving up seem so easy, so doable, and continuing on is so very, very hard? Shouldn’t life be the opposite of that scenario? I know, at times, it is good to struggle, to build character and all that hog wash crap; but when my […]
Why did I come here? I have no intention of dying. I wear the mask of happiness day in and day out. No one knows my secret pain, and I shall keep it that way. I came here for release. A place to put down words that express the emotions I must compress, day in and day out, while I wear the mask for the sake of others who cannot bare the face behind my mask.
I do not want their pity. There is nothing they could say or do to make it better, for nothing at all is wrong. My life is perfect. I just…hurt. […]
She means well. I know she does. But, it’s my family. I can take care of them, my way. I don’t need her so called “help.” Really, every thing is going just fine the way I am doing it. Why does she have to be all condescending and know-it-all under the pretense of “I’m just trying to help.” Did I ask for help? No. Do I need her help? No. She thinks I do. And in my mind, that is the same as stating for all to see that I’m a failure because I am not doing it the way she thinks I should.
Who is […]