i wish i could be more
i wish i didn’t have a core
i die every day
sick and tired of all
i wish i was in the middle of a war
you would shoot me
i would fall.
i couldn’t stand at all.,
i yelled at all the fishies in the sea
they didnt care whether i was ment to be
i layed down on the grass as a troop passed by
they shot you down
you fell to the ground
i honestly don’t care whether or not i die. if a car drives towards me. sure, i’ll jump to safety. its natural. and wayyy to messy. i heard that girls end their cycle through pills n shit.. boys do it the messy way, shotguns or roadkill. i don’t care much though. its ok.
i just wished nobody cared. it would have been easier to be me. so. my gran found out im smoking. she started off like god was against me. i ended the conversation with saying: why would god care if i provoke cancer when children starve to death somewhere else.
my life might not seem […]
im just writing down my lifestory shortly and i wont go into details.
i grew up on a farm. well i lived on a farm for 14 years. my dad used to force me to watch him kill sheep’s for dinner. he wanted me to learn how to shoot them in a painless way. the first time i watched wasn’t that bad. it went quick. it died in a split second. the second time. a year or a half later my dad got drunk. really drunk and dragged me into the barn and shot a sheep and yelled that i had to learn this by now. […]
im not gonna say that my feelings for life doesn’t change every now and then. that would be a lie. i have good days and bad days like everyone else. and this lady’s and gentlemen is a really bad day.
no its not a bad day as in: someone f**** me over or i’ve been stabbed with a knife or my boss hates me or anything like that. its just the god damn feeling of being alive. people say its a lovely feeling. i think its gross and uncomfortable. and just FYI. don’t try and say that you know how to fix this or. just give […]
i dont want anyone to kill themselves. not me nether
like i said in a previous post “i dont belong”
wondering what life would be on the other side. lay down all my burdens. i picked up a knife and i cut my wrist so deeply i ended up in the hospital for 3 days. im now not even aloud to handle a butterknife without supervision so to speak. im not suicidal for god’s sake. im tired. if people would let me. i would leave. if people knew how i feel. they would know what i mean.
its like jogging for miles and stop and you have no […]
im not shure and i honestly don’t care if anyone has written anything even remotely similar. my life doesn’t suck. yeah it has its moments. but no. i like my life.
but. im tired. thats all there is to it. there is nothing left for me here. i just feel like i am done here. i need to move on.
i got help for these suicide thoughs. but honestly. nothing worked. in the end of the therapy i pretended to be healthy. but… you cant fix someone when they are already dead inside.
some things are beyond therapy i guess.
im not old. im 18. and appear like everyone […]
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