i’ve been sitting on the floor of my room for over an hour sobbing with my razors in front of me. i can’t take the pain anymore. i can’t take knowing how disappointing and how much of a failure i am. everything hurts and i just want it to end. i don’t want to have to stay here for anyone else but me. im so trapped and i can’t get rid of this feeling. i’m sick of pretending that i want to be alive
i fucking hate how everyone keeps leaving. the moment i begin to trust them and become attached to them they stop talking to me and all of a sudden i have no one. i’m done with trust and i’m done trying to keep up all my friendships on my own. just stop making me feel like shit
tomorrow will mark one week since my 2nd suicide attempt. it’s weird to walk around knowing that no one else knew anything about it or suspected it. to them i’m some bubbly and happy person-it’s weird and leaves me with this eery feeling of loneliness
i’ve just taken 10 aleves and i’m finishing up my note before i take any more. hopefully tonight will work
so back in october i made my first attempt and obviously failed but about a month ago i made plans for my second and now that’s in about 2 weeks. i feel really sick to say this but i’m excited. i’m sick and tired of this bullshit feeling and the only thing that gets me through the day is thinking “in a little bit it will all be over, you’ll be free” i know i should be thinking of everyone i’m going to leave but i’m so tired of living and being here that i could care less.
i dont know when they started. i guess i’ve always thought about death, even as a little kid. I’ve just always seen something and thought “that could kill me. i’d be dead/gone” it used to scare me so much but now i’m used to it. now i listen to it. i’ve already made one attempt and obviously failed. just planning and thinking about it calms all my anxiety. i’ve lost my train of thought for now….sorry for wasting your time