I’m 37. And I’m an asshole. I’ve hurt people. Because I have fears. My mother was murdered christmas of 1999. My father, who always treated me like I was nothing, died christmas 2006. I always blamed myself for my mother’s death. I should have been there. I also have a severly autistic son, which I also blame myself for. In fact, she tells me all the kids are fucked up because of me. And I lost the one person that I loved more than anything due to me. Nobody else. And I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I’m the problem. Me. […]
Suicide is not the coward’s way out. You’re leaving what you know to go somewhere you don’t. The ones who wait and wait and wait for it to get better and it never does, those are the cowards. I am not a coward. And I’m ready to end my life and kill the pain.
I want out. I no longer want to live. I know this. Why is it so hard to end it? I’ve lost everything and the things I’ve never dealt with have eaten me alive. The only thing I think about is ending it. I wish I had a heart attack that would just take me. Or anything. Something. There is no reason to live, no love, no nothing. And there’s no one to talk to. They’ve all left me. And yet I stay here. Why? Why the fuck do I still breathe? I should be dead. I should have been dead long ago. And I’m […]