Author

Justastatistic

It got better

by Justastatistic 10/22/2015

written by Justastatistic

A couple of months ago I was so sure that I wanted life to end.

I’m not trying to discredit anyone who feels that way right now, your feelings are 100% valid. But for me, it got better, and in a forum of people on the verge of giving up, I’d like to share what happened to me when I didn’t give up, while its still fresh.

My husband of two years has been cheating on me since we were engaged, though I didn’t find this out until a month after the wedding. I begged, pleaded, cut, cried, drank, none of it helped. It’s as though faithfulness […]

10/22/2015 5 comments

Would it really be so hard?

by Justastatistic 8/14/2015

written by Justastatistic

I’ve never wanted to kill myself more in my life.

I just feel like a giant roadblock in everyone’s way. My stress is tearing my body apart and we can’t afford insurance for medical care so that’s just another burden on my family. I feel like a waste of life and space and money and energy. I want to disappear. Run away. Die.

Just be out of the lives and out of the way of the ones I love.

After all, they’re going places and I’m not. I’m just dead weight.

8/14/2015 2 comments

Plans

by Justastatistic 8/7/2015

written by Justastatistic

I had such grand plans.

As a kid I would sit for hours and draw “blueprints” of my future dream house.

A large ranch nestled in the Georgia country side, complete with orchards, gardens, ponds, stables, horses, and an animal rescue specializing in turtles.

I saved the seeds of every fruit I ate for my “orchard” and bought every horse and turtle book I could find.

I really really believed it was possible. I truly did.

Now I’m 20 and I’ve been cheated on more times than I can count in my failing marriage, and at the end of September we get kicked out of our friends house because they […]

8/7/2015 5 comments

I broke today.

by Justastatistic 8/5/2015

written by Justastatistic

It happened. Worse than ever. I lost my shit.

Sobbing in the bath tub, snot and tears and drool mingling with the water, mumbling over and over for two hours “I don’t want to die… I don’t want to die… But I can’t do this…”

I’ve never felt such anguish, I feel like I have emotional cancer, I’ve never felt this way and it scares me so badly.

I don’t want to die, but what if it’s worse next time? What if it hurts so bad that I just end it all?

What if I go to hell for giving up too soon? I know not everyone is religious […]

8/5/2015 4 comments