Justme12

I pissed off my grandad by “accidentally” losing the keys (they were never lost, but he doesn’t forgive me) and he constantly calls me day dreamy, in a ‘you’re fucking stupid’ way (which is what he told me when he Shouted at me about my ass always being in fairyland) and now my anxiety is at ridiculous levels because I fear him, my mum fears him too. I triggered his anger and now no one is happy and he gives me the silent treatment and I feel like shit because this is my fault. My social anxiety has finally reached true crippling  levels, I tried […]

She told me ‘life is hard enough without these moments of suicide and who’s worth what’ and I knew she was sick of me, the same way my other friend lied about caring. So I left them both, I need someone to tell me that I’m worth something. I need a sign. I feel like I’m losing my mind, crying every five minutes, feeling dull, wanting to bleed, thoughts about things I don’t want. I hope I can die soon, it was going to be september, but now plans have changed. I can’t hold on for much longer.

I can’t do any of this anymore, the intrusive thoughts feel like more than thoughts and the anxiety feels like it’ll be the end of me. I try researching the effects of different pills, but I don’t like throwing up, which is kinda hilarious for someone who is suicidal, I think I should just get past the fear and do it already. I don’t want to hurt my parents, but I think I might hurt them more if I stay. I don’t know when I’ll do it, but I really gotta stop saying bye to my friends. I imagine it’s unsettling. I’d be sick of […]

Social anxiety is crippling me, even as I write this. I doubt I will post this, and if I do I expect comments telling me how fucking stupid I am.

I can’t do this anymore. I’m 18 next week and can’t even stand the fact i’m still alive, because the responsibility of being an adult crushes me every day. I can’t get a job like my father wants me to, because social anxiety makes me cry like a child. I was visiting a uni and we had an interview for five minutes, instead I cried and panicked and had to be taken outside. My friend tells […]