No matter how I try to be positive and make things better, there’s always an anvil waiting to fall on my head. There’s just so much crap one can endure. My perfect day is Friday. Sayonara.
Getting better is a long journey. I woke up and the first thing I told myself is that I wouldn’t die today. I decided to set daily goals. Small things, baby steps.
I’m scared, I feel like if anyone got close they could actually smell the sadness emanating from my pores. I’m anxious and insecure. But I will fight this. I will not let my emotions take control over me.
I went for my weekly doctor’s yesterday as I mentioned in my previous post  http://suicideproject.org/2014/02/anywhere-but-not-there/. She was very weary of letting me stay home as I had put myself in a […]
It’s funny how one can want to die so badly, but want to live at the same time. I’ve been having a really hard time keeping my head out of the water. More so in the past few days than I have in the last month and a half. Usually, I manage to keep myself safe and not commit any rash decisions. I know my desire to die is impulsive. I know there’s no going back. I know it’s just an invasive thought that I’ll somehow manage to relegate to the back of my head eventually.
When it gets too intense I know what I need […]
I’ve been here before and here I am again. It’s been 3 years I’ve started voicing my desire to die. Three years of pure hell. Everyone says it’s going to get better and I so wish it would. But it’s not. It just gets worse and worse and I’m more alone than ever.
I can’t even kill myself properly. I’ve overdosed on pills about 15 times. I can’t go through with cutting my carotid or partial suspension. I’m a fucking failure even in my desire to die. I’ve been kept as an in patient in a psychiatric institution twice. I’ve seen countless psychologists, psychiatrists and doctors.
They […]