Fucking life goes on.
31 May 2016
Why I always feel so alone ?
Why I always need her to be with me ?
Why I miss her this much ?
Just wanna die peacefully.
Today is somehow a good day to die and it’s kinda wrost day also.
So I Shouldn’t die.
And I won’t.
But I am unable comprehend one thing.
I know this for sure… like god damn 100 % sure that nothing is gonna change in my life.
I think I lost the love of my life.
People are harassing me at work and I can’t do anything about it which is the most current reason that makes me to kill myself.
Well it’s not only the reason…..
It’s just a trigger….. or what should I say….
Well…. I am verge on killing myself.. but […]
Silence is not without reason,
It’s the PAIN that takes away the voice.
Love demands patience, one can’t wonder.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Past few days were mentally challenging.
But I am feeling okay now.
I am glad, I did nothing stupid.
Thank you guys for your generous support.
Happiness & Peace for all of you guys. 🙂
I am fairly certain about my misery and my mental illness. I know I can’t be cured. Well most of the mental diseases can’t be cured. Even doctor said that it can be manageable. Manageable not cured. Fuck manageable. I am tired of this shit. All the time living in fear that I am gonna collapse now. I am gonna freak out now in public and What to say about the demons. Thankfully they are at rest now. Even without them life is so miserable. I wish them to wake up now. So I can end this pathetic miserable life.
Every fucking day/ at some point/after […]
So, I found out that my family find out about me. They find out how vulnerable I am. They found that I’m not mentally healthy.
And I find out that they find out quite a time ago.
I should be something ; angery, nervous, anxious. I can also cry, i can be relived I can be worried but I have no feelings. Neither this thing hurt me nor it gave comfort to me. I’m exactly like I was a minute before. Caught in an argument, they confronted, I refused and went to my room. No talk.
It’s kinda funny situation. 😀 Her child is in pain, […]
Things aren’t good lately. But it’s going extremely well with my LuV. 🙂
She loves me infinitely. 🙂
And I am so lucky to have her. 🙂
She makes me smile in my hard times. 🙂
So you think that, that’s it. I can’t handle anymore. My life is fucked up. I don’t want to live anymore. I want to die right now. And then you will try to make an attempt, in which you will obviously fail (99.99 % times) and some of you will even fail into making an attempt. You are in pain now but still alive. Now you will try to recover.
But then again something bad (this bad could be anything, some event in real life or just your real imaginary pain in your beautiful mind) will happen. And you will think that’s it. It’s enough. I […]
I love you all,
But you never cared at all.
Sometimes you all show your fake love,
I always hide my tears with smile.
Amnesiac me, remembers few things,
But you even forgot me.
I dreamed your dream coming true,
But you never ask what I like.
I was with you in your bad times,
You deserted me in my wrost.
I LOVED YOUR LIKENESS,
BUT YOU DIDN’T EVEN CARE FOR “MY LOVE”.
Today is bad. No thoughts. I am sad, unable to find out the reason.
Just a moment before I started writing this post, I was thinking about the past when I felt a connection with her for the very first time. It was summer of 2007.
June 2007. 🙂 well I felt little good now. 🙂
I miss our first chats. It was deleted accidentally.(phone updation)
And rest messages were deleted by myself when I was this close to end my life.
I deleted our all conversations.
I deleted my whole notes(kinda journal). (It contained more than 2500 pages. Those pages had so much good memory.
Today I […]
It’s 4.15 am. Had horrible nightmares and awake since then. It’s been hours and it’s been years. I can’t sleep properly.
I won’t say all 365 days are like this. I guess, I have okayiesh days also, I won’t say good or wonderful because 2015 was the wrost year of my life.
I was a failure in 2015 at many tasks, two of them were, giving lot of happiness to my soul mate and ending this miseryful life. But I guess these two tasks can’t be completed at once. I failed lots of times at killing myself. In 2015 I was too close to finish the task […]
For me : My love cares for me alot, alot.
But before she came, I also used to think that no one cares which lot of you guys think and feel.
And I know this for certain that we(SP) care. We(SP) care when any member of our family feel low or go thru any horrible situation. So don’t ever think that no one cares.
How ironically hopeful and beautiful, it is ? 🙂