I was active on this site for a while beginning last fall, but haven’t been here in a couple of months or so. Quite a bit has happened since then, mostly on the job front. I left my workplace of eight years during the first week of April and things have been a bit of a whirlwind. People who have read my previous posts or spoke with me in the past may remember that my job was a large source of my unhappiness. I’m now working somewhere else and it’s a better job per se, but there are plusses and minuses. Strange as it is, I’ve found myself […]
“I’m not depressed and I’m not unhappy, because I believe that happiness is not a destination to reach and set up camp at, it’s a place you visit every once in a while when the stars are aligned just right or something along those lines.”
This was sent to me by someone in an E-mail a couple of weeks ago and it got me thinking. I (like many other people here, I’m sure) have not been happy in many years and I wonder if constant, true happiness is common even for those who possess all of the things many of us relate to happiness – money, […]
I’m generally not one to post about my feelings and life goings-on here, but … I don’t know. I just feel the need, for whatever reason.
I’ve been feeling so … “blah,” lately. I wouldn’t call it a serious bout of depression by any means; I guess there are just a lot of things piling up and it has me down.
This is largely due to work. The past couple of months (and few days, honestly) have not been good. My employers seem to be doing everything in their power to piss me off, for whatever reason (one I can’t figure out considering I have been there for […]
For the longest time, I have felt like someone who just “doesn’t matter” to hardly anyone. I am generally someone who is forgotten about and it seems like I’m simply not worth most people’s time or friendship. I will admit to not being very outgoing and am certainly socially awkward much of the time – hell, you could even make a case for describing me as “creepy,” I suppose – and I used to feel that these things had a lot to do with it. Quite honestly, though, I do wonder if there is something about me that is actually not related to those characteristics […]
This is just a quick note to wish everyone on SP well during the holidays. I realize this is one of the most difficult periods for many people here and it can be Hell having everyone else’s happiness and enjoyment thrown in your face for the better part of two weeks. Personally, I’m not too crazy about this time of year myself (even though things in my life are a little better than in previous years), but I suppose it is what it is.
Anyway, I hope everyone is able to make the best that they can out of the holidays.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)
This is a link to an episode of The Fifth Estate documenting the story of Nadia Kajouji, who was encouraged to commit suicide by a man posing as a female nurse online in 2008. This was quite a landmark legal case, as it brought to light the culpability of those who attempt to persuade others to take their lives over the Internet. As a true crime enthusiast and (obviously) someone who considers suicide and depression to be a major part of their life, I have found this to be one of the most fascinating cases I’ve seen in some time.
If you aren’t into true crime documentaries, this may not […]
Yeah, yeah, I know – more generic “hopeful” bullshit. But, hey … one way or another, we are all still here, despite everything. I kinda think we deserve some credit for that 😉
L4Y
This can obviously be taken a number of ways, but remember – nobody is worth your severe depression and they sure as hell aren’t worth your life. Just a thought.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)
Very true – but they can be slain as well 😉
I have noticed a relatively common theme among suicidal people is the belief that the people around them – and the world in general – would be “better off” without them. They often express remorse and inner turmoil for the pain they have caused others.
It’s strange – even during my own darkest moments, I never believed anyone would actually be “better off” without me. No better or worse? Absolutely (truthfully, that is where much of my pain derived from – the fact that it didn’t seem to matter whether or not I existed). But not better.
The way I see it, if you recognize the fact […]
In 2010, after over a decade of severe depression and several years of suicidal feelings, I made the decision to finally end things. To this day, it is the only time I have ever made concrete plans to take my life.
I kept a journal documenting my decision and feelings before and leading up to my planned suicide. Below are excerpts from two of those journal entries (the second being parts of a private message sent to someone from my past I had reconnected with. It was written as my end date was approaching).
Perhaps there are some people who will find comfort in reading these things […]
I joined SuicideProject.org last night and thought I’d introduce myself:
I have battled severe depression (and later suicidal feelings) since I was a teenager. I kept everything to myself until a few years ago when I revealed to everybody in my life what I had been going through. I won‘t say things have been perfect since then, but they have improved – I guess you could say I have been in “suicidal remission.”
Anyway, that’s the summarized version of my story. I plan to pop in here whenever I feel I have something constructive to add. I used to be quite good at helping people with their […]