i wish i could be one of these pretty girls that everyone loves. maybe my dad would be proud, maybe my mother would want me. instead i resort to fucking and sugar daddies. i hate myself. so much. i love feeling numb, its better than this pain. cant just one person love me or even like alot. would be nice.
I wish i could’ve been my cousin, he’s free now. I know for a fact that if i did it, my father would just pull a poor me act, he doesn’t care about me, he wishes i was never born, just like my mother. i feel like being dead would be better than these fucked up fetishes and addictions i have. couldnt have i died from my overdose?
After my cousin killed himself, my dad told me if i ever feel that way and that suicide is just selfish, what he doesn’t seem to comprehend is that he’s the one pushing me towards the end.