eventually, everyone stops talking to me
i shouldnt feel this fuckin sad but i do
god damnit
i might be holding a suicide awareness even for my school!!!
give me intimacy
love me without touching me
cuddle me every night as if the night is our last night together
love me through your lips
make my eyes close and my mind forget everything, even my name
make me forget to breathe because all im focused on is you
make my breaths ragged from your mouth
make my knees weak from your voice telling me im ravenous
make me swallow hard as i try to remember what it felt like before this, but even then i cant and will not because youre too good
make my hair messed up and crazy as your hands […]
i wanna get drunk and die
we’ll dance through the night with the moon light shining down on us
but in a few months ill text you while im drunk i won’t get a reply
we’ll talk for hours on end in the middle of the night both of us tired as fuck
but in a few months ill try to start a conversation with you and you’ll ignore me
we’ll hug each other when we see each other and talk for a few months
but in a few months when i see you you’ll ignore me like im nothing
we’ll talk about deep things and question life and have a great time
but […]
you’re gonna stay home tonight. and the next night. and the night after that. but no matter what happens you’ll never think of me.
you won’t think of the late night conversations we had. the video calls we had that you fell asleep in because the night was pitch black will never cross your mind. you’ll busy yourself with work and won’t reply or message me for days or weeks.
then out of the blue you’ll message me. you’ll try to show you care even though i know that you don’t. you don’t care about the way i laugh or smile. the way i try to act […]
i wish someone would pull my heart out like in Once Upon a Time so I couldn’t feel this pain anymore
its not huge pain but this silent deadly one
that makes you gasp like you’re drowning ever so slowly
there’s a constant lump in my throat and racing thoughts in my mind as i wish someone asked me how i am
and expected me to say more than “i’m fine” because they knew that it was bullshit
i wish that someone looked at me and knew that i had been crying the night before
because i felt so lonely because no one answered me, […]
-she never responded to my texts, but she always called me when she was desperate for attention
-i talked to him one night and i got excited, but he was gone before the sun rose
-we hugged, but it never felt like it was right, it was always jagged and rough around the edges and i knew he wasn’t hugging me because he liked me, he was just doing it so a girl he liked would be jealous. it didn’t work
-we spun around the room laughing, but i knew that under those sparkling eyes she was trying to rip me apart and discover […]
a few weeks ago
i got into a fight with my sister
it was about telling my friends everything
and how supposedly that was super rude
and one time a friend called me
when i was at a family cabin thing
i went off and talked to her
she was in pain
i talked to her
i comforted her
then my sister said we were leaving
i didn’t hang up on my friend
I cared
i still care about her
and i couldn’t do that to her
when we got into the fight
she said it was rude to talk to my friend
i said that i cared about her so why not
You know when I was depressed I always had this thought.
I always had this dream, this expectation, this thought.
That a person would come into my life and pick up my broken pieces.
That someone would help me off the ground and get me walking again.
Someone would wipe away my tears and dust me off and hold my hand.
That a human being would sit down with me and just hug me.
That someone would help me calm down and stop me from punching the wall and bruising myself.
Well guess what.
I’m fine now.
I am recovered and still recovering.
No one […]
Hello!
I think you guys deserve an update on how I am. 🙂
Also, how are you guys? I haven’t talked to you in a bit. So yeah please do tell me how you are.
If you know about my little technology problem, (I got locked out of my iPad with no back up, no previously synced computer, and practically no way getting access to my iPad without wiping everything) it is okay now. I wiped my things. I just did it. And I only deleted like 80 pictures, 2 notes, 3 videos, and that’s it. 😀 I got my music back and my apps, […]
had huge fight with sister
anger resurfaced
pain grew
hurt more
insulted
almost pushed down stairs
hit
slapped
punched
shoved around
lots of tears
35 minute call
tears
silent treatment
broken
It’s been what about a month?
I’m not going to say it’s been too long.
Because it hasn’t.
And that may hurt some of you, but I’m not sorry.
Because I’m starting to get better.
Suicidal thoughts do not cloud my mind anymore.
Thoughts of no one caring are not there.
I know some people care.
And I know some people don’t.
I have accepted that.
For those who don’t care I toss them away.
My friend once said to get rid of the toxic people.
So I do.
But sometimes it doesn’t go as well as planned.
Sometimes my friends get mad at me.
We can be lonely without being alone
Because we yearn for a comfort that
Can gives us the satisfaction that we need
We can be lonely without being alone
Because even though we are surrounded
By love and comfort; in the end it is not what we want
We can be lonely without being alone
Because friends will try to love us
But we only want a certain kind of love
We can be lonely without being alone
Because some love that people give us
Is not the love we want to receive
We can be lonely without being alone
Because sometimes we need one person
But that person […]
It’s a shame that it had to be this way
It’s not enough to say I’m sorry
Maybe I’m to blame
Or maybe we’re the same
But either way I can’t breathe
Either way I can’t breathe
All I had to say is goodbye
~Secondhand Serenade; Goodbye
I can be tough
I can be strong
But with you
It’s not like that at all
~Avril Lavigne; Wish You Were Here
And I will swallow my pride
You’re the one that I love
And I’m saying goodbye
~A Great Big World; Say Something
I’m sorry I wasn’t enough
For you, for my friends, for anyone
I didn’t know much […]
It’s not the first time
My family has caused these thoughts
The thoughts of jumping
They wouldn’t care
They don’t care
They never did
They never will
They’ll never love
They’ll never care
Regardless of what people say
My family doesn’t love me
They glare at me
Wish I was better
I’m not good enough for them
I have the wrong taste in music
Disgusting fashion style
The way I think is awful
All they ever wanted was a perfect daughter
They got my sister
But then the mistake came
Me
And now they can’t live with me
So they hurt me
Glare at me
Would you go?
To my funeral I mean
If I got the courage
To kill myself
If I knew you in person
You would meet my parents
And my sister
Though she’s a bit mean
When I die
And they put me 6 feet under
And a grave on top
Of the earth for me
If you visit my grave
Not saying you have to
But if you do
Please don’t bring flowers
Unless they’re fake
I like carnations then
They remind me
Of Valentine’s day
I never got a carnation
But I always gave them
To my friends
Because they never got them either
I also like roses
Red to […]