i need to post things
but i cant
one of my friends
they check on me
i don’t know how regularly
i don’t know when
but because of that
i can’t post certain things
and its killing me
because im bottling my feelings
maybe its good
to do this
to bottle them up
how should i know
but i need to post things
but i cant
and now what
should i do?
Hi Guys,
Phew! It’s been two weeks, well 14 posts!!! So thank you for sticking with me and I hope you continue to help me through this journey of my life.
This post really isn’t going to be about my day, more of what I am feeling like right at this moment.
This moment. Right now. I’m curled up in my room, on my floor, with a comforter over my head, The Scientist by Coldplay on repeat crying my eyes out. Why am I crying my eyes out? I can’t find something. Now before you go and comment, “Oh stop being a drama queen,” or anything like that. […]
I don’t know what to say
Someone cares
Someone shows that they care
And I don’t know what to do or say
Because no one has really ever showed that they cared
Not my family, not my friends
But this one person comes into my life
And picks me up
And tries to fix me
And shows that they care
I don’t know what to say or do
I’ve been used to not being cared about
I’m used to be the worrier the carer
Not to be worried about
Not to be cared about
I don’t know why
They even go through the effort
It’s […]
Maybe it’s for the best
That we no longer talk
It’ll break us both
Into a million pieces
Well at least for me
But then maybe your life
Wouldn’t be so dramatic
Maybe if I left you
The annoying thorn in your
Side would be finally gone
Maybe it’s for the best
That I leave you in peace
I want to say hi
But do I dare?
I don’t want to be annoying
I don’t want to be clingy
I always start the conversations
Maybe you’re busy
I don’t want to annoy you
But I worry
So much
I guess maybe another time
I’ll say hi…
I’m sorry
I panicked
I didn’t know what to do
I promised you something
But I broke that promise
I feel bad now
I couldn’t do it
It’s difficult for me
To do that action
And now I feel bad
But I don’t want to bring you down
And I don’t know how to make it up to you.
I just
Panicked
I’ve never done that action before with someone like that
And I didn’t know anything about it
I broke my promise
And
I’m Sorry
Hi Guys,
So today was a reaaaaaaaallllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyy good day. 😀 I’m actually kind of crying of happy tears. 😀
So let’s start off. Normal routine with school and stuff, BUT I GOT TO MEET SOMEONE THAT I’VE BEEN DYING TO MEET. And oh my goodness. I’m just really happy. Of course me being the awkwardly social human being I am I just blushed and didn’t really speak. (Sorry about that, Michael). And it’s just amazing.
I finally feel happy for once. I’m finally smiling. 😀 It’s just great. And the best part is that when I got home from where I was, it was about 11:00ish. My sister […]
broken
i feel broken
i feel in pain
all i want to do
is be numb
so i cant feel the pain
just be numb.
Hi Guys,
It’s day 12! Woo!
So today was a snow day for my school. Which is great! So my friend and I went to a humongous library!!! It was amazing! I love books and libraries and it’s just gah! So that was awesome. I was feeling great. I was feeling happy for once. Then my sister had to go and ruin it. She threatened me again. *sigh*
Let’s start from the beginning. I woke up late today. (woo!) At around 10:30ish. I got up. Read a little. I did have breakfast/brunch. 😀 It was pancakes. Then I started talking to one of my friends and […]
Hi Guys,
Welp its day 11. I just want to thank all of you who stuck with me. No this is not a goodbye note, but just a thank you. Your comments (well most of the comments) helped me and comforted me. 😀 So thank you especially to Michael, OnlyLOVEisReal, and The Koji, you guys have helped me so very much and I hope you continue to comment on my posts. 😀
Another note thing is that I do post poems, but sometimes they’re at random times, and I’m sorry for that, and so maybe you don’t see them. So I just wanted to put that out […]
maybe it does matter
that im broken
and sometimes very lonely
maybe it does matter
that i want to die
and sometimes i think i deserve to
maybe it does matter
that when i say im fine that its a lie
and in reality im so far from fine
maybe it does matter
that some people care about me
and others just hate me
maybe it does matter
that i should live
and not die
maybe it does matter…
but who knows?
maybe it doesn’t.
maybe it doesn’t matter that im broken
that im alone
that i want to die
that im not fine
that people care about me
that […]
im not meant to be here. ive decided that. i have no purpose here. no one out there really tries for me to live. no one is stopping me. i try my best. but it doesn’t work. maybe i wasnt meant to live. maybe i was meant to die. im not sure. but all i know is im a burden. i guess im one of those mistakes you tried to erase, but you couldnt get the job done well enough so im just a scratched out mark. i dont know guys. i know you dont have an answer i guess it doesnt really matter. but […]
Hi Guys,
Yes I posted yesterday…. It was a bit earlier than normal… Sorry.
So today. Today was an sdjkjsskfjk day. Nothing really exciting happened… Well I guess I shouldn’t say that. A new semester began today at school. Which means a new schedule. Which means new seats. And new teachers. Well of course in one class guess who I get to sit by for a whole semester (about 90 days) MY BULLY. Wooo…. Not. So that’s that. On the bright side I moved to my honors English class :D.
So yeah. How am I doing? Emotionally: Unstable. Physically: In Pain.
I don’t know how long I […]
truth is
i don’t want you to go
i want you to be there
i want you to hug me
i want you to hold me
i want you to tell me it’s okay
to tell me ill be okay
but i can’t let you do those things
you have more important things
you have to live your life
ill be lonely, yes
ill be broken, yes
ill be sad, yes
ill be torn apart, yes
but youll be happy
Hi Guys,
Not a lot happened to me today…. I seriously woke up, ate food, and drove in the car for 4 hours, and then got home. I had fun this weekend, yes, but I was in, and still am, in a dip of depression….
Not much to say about the day… Sorry…
Here’s TWO poems:
being cold
being numb
not feeling pain
not feeling anything
not being fixed
not being broken
not being anything
being everything
numb
being numb
sitting there in the cold
taking the last breath ill take in my life
Next Poem:
let it go
let me go
i know its hard
but you need to
because […]
So tempting
Just one cut
Just a few pills
A last breath
So tempting
So just die
Not breathe again
A black abyss
But alas
I cannot
Too many hearts broken
Too much grieving
But I start to wonder
Who really cares?
Who would really grieve?
Who would really cry?
go if you need to
no please stay with me
no you have important things you need to do
no i need you here with me
no go i’ll be okayish not really
no i won’t please stay with me
no go you may go
no please don’t go stay with me
no go you need to do things
no please i need you
no go you should go do things
no please stay with me
no…just…i don’t know
take care of my heart
it’s been broken
it’s been shattered
it’s been ripped apart
take care of my heart
take care of my heart
it’s fragile
it’s pained
it’s hurt
take care of my heart
take care of my heart
it’s been ripped to shreds
it’s been bruised
it’s been cut
take care of my heart
take care of my heart
i’m giving a piece of it to you
all i ask of you
is to
take care of my heart
Hi Guys,
Not really in the mood to write anymore. But some of you like it so… I’ll continue on.
How am I? I feel just so… lonely. My friend and I went on a night hike last night. (weird thing to do, but it was fun ish.) About 10 cars passed and all I though was it’d be easy. It’d be so easy to just jump in front of a car… It’d be so easy to just get hit… And just die. I mean I’m so small I bet it would kill me instantly, but then I thought of my deal. I jump, you jump. […]