It’s been awhile since my last post..I thought everything was going to get better… It hasn’t. I haven’t. Â I lost her, I lost Natalie, that was the girl I wrote about, the girl who died. She really truly is the love of my life, but, I thought Â I found someone whoÂ could take her place. This new girl made me happy, so fucking happy. She stopped myÂ cutting for a little bit and made me feel like I was on top of the world. I guess that’s why it hurt so much when I fell all the way back to the bottom. I’ll tell you her story at a later date. Since my last post I’ve dated 4 girls. Â Out of the 4 of them, only 2 have made me happy. The other 2 my sister made me date. Well, I was happy when I was with the first girl, we made it 5 months and 4 days before she broke up with me. IÂ caused her depression, but yanno what? She made mine worse, but I always hid it from her, I didn’t want her to hurt as much as I did. She was the only person there for me and now she’s gone. Well it’s been 3 months and 11 days since she’s broken up with me and I still love Â her. Sad right? I get too attached to people. I guess I’ll just stay single forever. Best solution. Anyway, told I saw the girl I love again. She still loves me too, she promises it. She was making out with my bestfriend. I walked into her room, sat on her bed and brought her razors across my legs and wrists. She didn’t know where I went so she went looking for me. She walked in on me laying on her bed, the blood on my legs and wrists, it beading over my skin onto the towel I had under me. I had fallen asleep the tears still on my face the razor in hand. She started toÂ cry thinking I was dead before I woke up to the sound of her sobbing and looked at her. She ran to me and hugged me and asked me what was wrong. I just sat there not able to speak. She had never seen me like this. I made sure to hide myself from Â her. She just sat there holding meÂ crying till I pushed her away and told her to go make-out with the other girl. I didn’t give a shit anymore. I don’t give a shit anymore.
Why am I still here?