Fuck trying . I always end up here !
So the guy I am talking just told me he is also suicidal ! Last night he attempted to take his life 🙁 I am a little bummed because I don’t know if I can help him. Shit I can’t even help myself. I feel like like shit for wanting to just leave out his life . idk what am I suppose to do o.O
I honestly have stopped caring about what anybody has to say about me . I plan on leaving soon I’m doing my best at enjoying my last days ( but of course I am not) my mom has been rubbing my mistakes in my face and she’s really just making this living hell. I am really not close with my siblings or father because I am 17 and under 18 I can not do as I please. This last year I have been in the hospital twice for suicide attempts and I have been a rebel with my mom …. She tries to control my life and that drives me insane, I ranwaya and I have always been on drugs . she of course found out about everything and I know she is feed up with it all. Today’s her birthday . we argued in the morning . It doesn’t matter if I left I’d be doing her a favor and she will be able to sleep better at night and not worried if I am still alive because I will be gone .
I’m really considering hanging, the tools are easy to find, I’m tired of it all life is just so hard on me,I honestly don’t believe it will get better have lost all Faith and I Hate every fucking moment I am still alive . I feel that my mind is so messed up and destroyed. Why can’t I just be okay again . Why……..
I began to cut again . Six fucking months clean . I didn’t realize how much better it makes me feel. What led me to start again, well the numbness I feel inside, I want to feel something. I fucking hate it here and the constant reminder of how I am no good or that I Should kill myself. My friends always say they will there for me but when I need them where are they to be found ? So that is why i say fuck everyone and fuck and fuck what people think, i don’t want to hear it, I am sick and tired of them pointing out my flaws and all I want is some fucking peace and quite.
I am miserable inside, its getting harder and harder to wear a smile on my face because there is always that little voice in my head telling me “your not happy!!!!????”