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Have my ticket for the bus…

by seppuku
written by seppuku

I have found my perfect method…insofar as any method can be perfect. No way of murdering yourself can be pretty…at the end of the day you’re leaving behind a slab of rotting meat for others to clear up and dispose of…but what can you do? Life is forcing my hand.

I’m 52, well past my prime, overweight, bipolar, on meds for many years, fucked up by them, now having to come off some because it’s that or diabetes. So I’m in withdrawal, and the depression is worse, I’m suicidal from morning till night, it’s practically all I think about.

Have lost all my passions over the last […]

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Help is at Hand

by seppuku
written by seppuku

I have what’s known as a Floating Support Worker, who I love dearly. He’s an Oxford graduate (Classics) in his early twenties, he’s doing a Masters in ‘Early Intervention in Psychosis’ at King’s College, London. He’s quite posh – he’s from Wales but has no trace of a Welsh accent. Super intelligent.

I told him I come here, and I told him that I was recently sent a free sample of (supposedly) ******** after an exchange of emails with some guy in India. I took a little just to test it. It tasted foul, but did make me a little groggy. Without a tester kit (you […]

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Heartsick

by seppuku
written by seppuku

Need to vent. Try and puke this stuff up on the page (sorry).

I have Bipolar 1, and I have it bad. It’s ruined my life. While manic I did so many crazy and awful things.

When criminals are tried, if a doctor says they were ‘of unsound mind’ that can be a defence.

I have no such defence. Nobody ain’t defending me, and I can’t defend myself.

I brought a child into the world under these regrettable circumstances.

He now, understandably, hates me.

I distract myself continually. I can’t let myself dwell on the past, present or future.

Long time since I posted here. I came back.

Putting my hopes in somehow […]

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Might as Well Live

by seppuku
written by seppuku

Well I’m back after a year away. Not depressed, yet still badly wanting to depart this life. I contacted Dignitas at one point but was turned away as not terminal or elderly with chronic illness, and of course then there’s my extensive psychiatric history which apparently renders me incompetent of making this life/death decision. Not for me assisted suicide surrounded by loved ones in a nice room in Switzerland. Dream on, Louise50!

Been reading the Peaceful Pill handbook. That was a waste of money, as sources for the so called peaceful pill change all the time, it’s illegal in my country and phenomenally hard to get […]

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