I remember when i did acid with them i was on the phone with someone i liked and i cared so much about that person more than the person i was with that when they said something rude to them i acted out of violence and i don’t think i could ever forgive myself for that. Even if i was on fucking drugs i put a piece of shit first. It caused a bad trip for me too because i realized what i did immediately after i did it and instead of being truthful i lied to protect myself. i told them idk why it […]
I feel like i fucked up. Things haven’t been easy lately and i’m very aware that it’s not an excuse. I tried a “drug” recently it’s not an actual drug but it’s a household object that can get you high. I introduced it to one of my siblings while i was on it because honestly i was selfish and wanted to keep doing it that day. I haven’t really touched it since due to the guilt. It’s just hard because she’s a few years younger than i am. I want to confide in someone i know with this information but i’m too afraid they’ll lecture […]
oh no, they’re back
the voices.
the vague voice
the deep and low whisper,
it lets out
the cold shivers down my spine.
oh no,
maybe.
maybe it’s made up,
all in my head?
can’t be.
could it be?
oh no,
i feel it fogging up my head like a cold forest morning after the rain
oh no
am i going crazy?
maybe it’s normal.
maybe it’s just my mind trying to create someone here so i’m not […]
Lately i’m not sure how i’m feeling, whether it’s really high, highs or really low, lows. I keep getting confused by the highs and think oh i’m getting better and then being proved wrong by the lows. I’ve dealt with a lot of past trauma, that being a lot of sexual abuse by people who i trusted and thought were there to protect me but realizing that i shouldn’t been protected by them instead was the hard part. I can’t remember when the sexual abuse started and i can’t remember who the first person was. I remember most people who have done it, my uncle, […]