Life feels like this. When you were born it was like someone pushed you into the water. Maybe it would end up good, and you would enjoy the swim. Some might struggle to float or wouldn’t like being in the water. And for some other like me, there’s a hand pushing me down under the water, desperately wanting me to drown, but life went on and on without end, the hand keeps pushing down, and here I am just struggling to survive. But we all know, death will win in the end. Why not end it sooner?
The future is bleak for me. If ever I’m still hanging to this thin thread of existence I won’t be doing it for me. But then again, what’s my worth that I feel the need to stay for other people? All I bring is pain and hurt for other people. I am just a worthless peace of garbage, a malfunctioning half corpse that is better off dead.
I just can’t stop crying. Every day I came from work, I would curl in my bed and cry. Feels like my mind is a garden overgrown with weeds and thorns. And the garden never had flowers in the first place, it has always been empty and abandoned. And these tears make the weeds and thorns grow stronger and thicker by the minute, one of these days, my soul is going to get pushed out and will leave my body to die and rot in the garden I can’t tend to.
The grim intense beating of my wretched heart is equivalent to the pounding and smashing of God’s hammer the day he built hell, for my eventual, eternal, resting place. Thank You Lord, Your wisdom knows no end.
You did say that if my right hand caused me to sin, then I should cut it off than to have my whole body thrown in hell. But the thing is, I never said I want to be a part of any of your divine agenda–I never agreed to be born, and to put someone in this nightmare they cant wake up from, is an act of pure evil.
You caused me great pain from the day that I was born, and all I am worth is hell. WHat other unthinkable ways of torture have you thought of throwing at me in the future and in my life […]
Even in the worst days, I would try my best not to think about suicide, but damn, maybe it’s just the shitty me or it’s just the universe that has some kind of beef with me for some reason. There’s always some fresh new shit that the universe, life, throws at me every single day. I am exhausted to the core of my soul, if there is any, or it might already be in hell, for all I know.
Being an adult you thought that maybe with age you will have courage, freedom and strength, but who knew, all you develop is […]