mahmudy

Supress Ignore Endure Supress Ignore Endure Supress Ignore Endure Supress Ignore Endure Supress Ignore Endure Supress Ignore Endure Supress Ignore Endure Supress Ignore Endure Supress Ignore Endure Supress Ignore Endure Supress Ignore Endure Supress Ignore Endure Supress Ignore Endure Supress Ignore Endure Supress Ignore Endure Supress Ignore Endure Supress Ignore Endure Supress Ignore Endure Supress Ignore Endure Supress Ignore Endure Supress Ignore Endure Supress Ignore Endure.

Supress your feelings. Ignore the thought. Endure the pain.

7 years since my last post, and now I’m back here. The pain is not a black spot at the back of my mind, it’s the whole canvas. I don’t need to squint to see its presence.

3 attempts along the way. Though I thought I was stronger for having to survive it. But it keeps coming back.

There’s always something new to be depressed about. Studies, unemployment, now it’s my job. It grows with me.

What the hell is wrong with me?

It’s my birthday today and it’s very sad to see that I am celebrating it by performing self-flagellation. A punishment for myself who can’t do better.

when suddenly there’s a thick brick wall between you and the one you usually could talk to. when suddenly you could not enter your sacred sanctuary anymore. hold on,buck up, i tried and i’m tired. looking back, what you said back then seems to be nothing now. maybe it’s my mistake i fall for you. and it’s certainly a mistake telling you that. i know. you’re very special to me. i wish when i told you i just want to let it all out,want you to know, i wish that was the truth. i try to believe that, that is the truth. but i’m […]

I hate it when the ones you always turn to, cling-on, leave you for someone better. Im always afraid to introduce my fren from work/college to another fearing they’ll get close and ditch me. Jealousy?Things like this happened before and it will happen again. But i dont want to be childish and selfish by thinking like tht..so i let it happen. And now i’m all alone.

Having a gun,or a rope, or a knife…knowing there’s a way out..a way that finally I can control..it helps..