Ive been drinking most of my life, since about 15 and I’m approaching 40. I had a horrible childhood. Drinking was my escape from reality. Recently, I stopped drinking and along they way….my suicidal thoughts went out the window. My life was great over the summer. I was swimming, roller skating and lounging in the sun all summer. However, now that Autumn has arrived, my horrible inside depression has crept back and I’m drinking again. I want to kill myself, just for the drinking alone. With drinking comes panic attacks that sting like a dagger. Â I know that I have been self medicating myself with […]
mamame
I had a major problem with alcohol the last 2 years. I’ve been trying to self medicate. This last spring, I was suicidal. Was asking God. Is it wrong to take my life …if I’m mentally ill? Can’t I start over? Get a new life?? I stopped drinking after a horrible black out on the 4th of July. The last 3 months of summer were wonderful. I was not drinking, out in the sun and exercising daily. Suicide wasn’t on my mind, at all. I was loving life. However, now that summer has ended, I have been having this constant panic, guilt, fear feeling. My […]
I grew up in the most fucked up family. They went to Church on Sunday, but messed with my head all through out the week. Constant yelling and screaming. When I was 9 years old, a man in a green car tried to kidnap me …….I ran away and escaped. I never told my parents, because they were at arms lengths. I learned to self sooth, by bottling everything up. Â My mom was suicidal, and here I am, a mom and I have become her. I hate her, so I hate myself. Everyone used to think I was the perfect one, but here I am…I […]