Just typing….

I grew up in the most fucked up family. They went to Church on Sunday, but messed with my head all through out the week. Constant yelling and screaming. When I was 9 years old, a man in a green car tried to kidnap me …….I ran away and escaped. I never told my parents, because they were at arms lengths. I learned to self sooth, by bottling everything up.  My mom was suicidal, and here I am, a mom and I have become her. I hate her, so I hate myself. Everyone used to think I was the perfect one, but here I am…I have become bitter, angry and just dont care anymore. Why do I want it to end, it never got any better in life. The only thing I was ever good at….was being a parent. Now, I have failed at that. I have turned into an alcoholic mother, in the last two years. It used to be just to deal with stress, now its become my life.