I tried to kill myself in May by drinking a bottle of Tylenol. It was my moms birthday, and by far the worst thing I’ve ever done to her. I was at my lowest, struggling with depression that had been there since I was 11. But I can say that since that day, things have been looking up for me. Its been a bumpy road, lots of ups and downs, but its been going up in general. I never thought I would see the day where I would be confident again like I was as a little girl, where IÂ could actually like myself sometimes. For […]
I am on here all the time. Almost every day. I am becoming consumed by this feeling again. I had been happy last week. Confident for the first time for a whole week in years. But depression is forcing its way back into my heart. I try and shut the door in his face, but he is so strong. My whole self is tight because of this battle. I feel like my heart is being ripped in two. Tears are always in my eyes. My therapist says to try to just shut the door and try to not let it get inside my heart. But […]
We carry the scars on our bodies everywhere we go. We carry the scars on our hearts. We carry the fear someone will see them, we carry the shame when people do. We carry pins, knives, razors. We carry bandaids & disinfectant. We carry a little kernel of hope that we will get out of this. We carry hearts so heavy they drag on the ground. We carry our bloodstained clothes. Sometimes we carry hospital bills for stiches. Othertimes we carry them for therapists. We are the burdens on our families, we are the misunderstood. We are the ones who people stay away from when […]
I’m supposed to stop self harming. I’m supposed to stop thinking about bad things. But I went and thought again too much. Now I want to hurt myself, and I can’t. There’s nothing here to do it with. I smell the blood I want to see drip.
So I have been kinda down lately. I started writing in a journal again to help me with my english project and memories began spilling out. I’m 16 years old, and I have been a cutter since i was 12. It has never been much, nothing too serious, but it scars. I would always get in trouble with my parents, they would yell and scream about everything. Lots of times they would scream at each other and lots of times at me. It was cause I failed my test, or screwed up again or wasn’t good enough or was annoying. I’m never good enough. I’m […]