Nel_Nicole

(I did not come up with this, but I thought I would share it with all of you. I am currently doing it and it really does help. It also works with depression and any other method of self harm. If you just feel or think something depressing and want to harm yourself, just do this.)

The Butterfly Project:
The Rules are:

1. When you feel like you want to cut, take a marker, pen, or sharpies and draw a butterfly on your arm or hand.

2. Name the butterfly after a loved one, or someone that really wants you to get better.

3. You must let the […]

In my shyness…
At times I retreat to my shell,
Clinging to the security of being alone.

In my shyness…
I can feel completely alone,
Although surrounded by people.

In my shyness…
I’m perceived as having a padlocked soul-
and few try to gain entry into my realm.

In my shyness…
Few will dare venture to really know me…
To hear my quiet voice or to really understand.

In my shyness…
I can have a myriad of words to say,
Yet, my sealed lips will not release them.

In my shyness…
The words I do speak will at times be jumbled-
And I will feel worse for having spoken them.

In […]

Was I bewitched so by the thin red line,
To notice not that time released its hold,
And let pale Iris snip the silver twine,
To steal sweet youth before it turns to Gold,
Exsitence now is not what I was told,
No seraphim and harps to grace my ear,
Just silence, painful silence, and the cold,
Discomfort of my masochistic fear,
So icy cold yet somehow seems to sear,
My soul until the ache is too much to bare,
As mortal life mirages now appear,
Intangible are they away they tear,
Mistake it was the curtain fell too soon,
When razor’s edge did charm […]

I held the knife so close to my heart,
Like a foolish child, I sat and cried,
Didn’t realize what I had done, what I had tried,
Tears mixed with blood, falling slowly to the ground,
Covered in blood, pulled myself up, and in tears scribed:
To those who don’t care,
To those who don’t see,
Never give up,
Always strive to be free.
Didn’t know how many people would later cry,
Tried to be free, yet this isn’t the way,
Friend at the door, ran as fast as she could,
Too weak to say sorry, otherwise I would,
In tears, looked at the sad […]

I’m great, fine, spectacular.
In a way, I relish every night,
And live everyday,
I live, I laugh,
I write, I sing,
I wonder what the new days will bring.

Then, I get home,
And take off the mask,
The day, and the almost impossible task, finally over,
So, I lie down,
And wait patiently for the day I die.

I cry, I scream, I bawl, and sleep,
Even though I have promises to keep,
I wait, and wonder, and cry some more,
and I ache, and burn from my very core.

Then, I’m not alone,
And the mask reappears:
Out goes grief, pain, and all of the […]