accepting pain like others do. i never do, i never resign myself to it, i delude myself because i am determined to stay attached to this life and its goodies. i easily cast aside those who do not appease me. i want to be a better person but i sometimes think being a better person in my case is just neglecting myself on some level.
with presctibed drugs. need to read more nonfiction and increase inhibition.
to structure and personalization. taking medication for personality disorder. studying personality psychology and seeing how convoluted it all is. feeling abnormal/not in touch with reality, maybe it has to do with academia. questioning personal agency, not understanding how the world actually works, as in, not being around relatable people. i see a bunch of smart highly literate people online but underestimate people in real life due to their lack of heavy speech, causing a rift in reality processing.
i need a job where i feel competent and inoculated from the outside world. i don’t seek freedom, i seek consistency.
i need to stop being so addicted and […]