A few days of peace and now back to fighting the same old shit. Suicide would be a relief
I’m so tired of being me. I hate myself. I hate not going anywhere because I’ll just panic. I’m just so fucking tired of fighting every day and for what. I wish I was brave enough to end it.
I keep stupidly thinking it will.  And every day all I think about is suicide and how to do it and this time get it right.  I try talking  but no one can help.  I quit therapy for so many reasons.  That was useless too.  All I want is to escape this constant emotional pain. It never ends.  I wish I had a gun.  Pills won’t do it.
This seems like the only safe place to actually share my pain without a bunch of interfering phone calls and ER visits. I’ve lurked here for months because most of you get it. I’m so tired of hurting. So fucking tired of always hurting. I tried last month but yeah pills don’t work so well. Woke up after three days. I hate this