I think it’s time.
Tomorrow should work. I have my old bottle of Maker’s Mark. Also have some oxycodones the wife didn’t take from her recent surgery. One last buzz on whiskey and pain killers. I’ll pass on the smokes, though. Don’t want to rouse suspicion from the neighbors. Rope is knotted and marked. I’ll just call into work, wait for the wife and daughter to leave, then go back home.
Tomorrow, I can finally give up.
Thanks for listening, everyone.
Headaches are getting worse. I don’t give a fuck about anything. I stick around to play warface on on Steam with some guys I know. Because nothing “important” will hold my interest.
I can feel that my time is soon. Probably once I pick up a bottle of Maker’s from my ambassador barrel. That’ll be what I drink from when it’s time. Here’s to my 29th birthday. Come November, it can all be over. My smokes, my bourbon, my rope.
254.
Two hundred fifty four days since I first made my decision. I went out that day with my rope to a nature trail that is rarely used nearby my work. One solid tree in the secluded woods was all I wanted. It was my birthday. I began walking down the trail, but slipped at the end of a wooden bridge, wet with the Autumn rain. I touched my head. Blood.
Weighing my options, I pulled myself up and headed back to my car. Where I fell was clearly visible by a nearby parking lot, so instead of risking the possibility that anyone that might have seen […]
I’m ready. But I’m not in a rush. It’ll probably be soon, though.
I’ll buy a pack of cigarettes that day. I’ll smoke a few and drink some old bourbon when I get home and set up what I need to. Just like the good old days. When I start to get sleepy, that’s when I can go.
No guilt. No stress. No second thoughts. My way. My terms. My comfort.
My colleague at work was upset so I asked her what was amiss.
She said her mother was extremely emotional and trying to console a friend.
“Her friend found her son hanging in the closet.”
I was stunned, but not by the fact the friend’s son had hung himself in his closet. I was a bit taken aback that I had recognized the method mirrored my own exit plan but, more notably, more so at the lack of sympathy for the family. Instead, I felt what I have identified as…
Jealousy for the gentleman…
It has become clear I’m ready. I didn’t expect the realization would be so anticlimactic. Then […]
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