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outtatime

Friends.

by outtatime
written by outtatime

I’m tired of being ‘the friend’. Sick and fucking tired of it.

Met a girl at a party. She showed an interest. Asked for my number, gave me hers. Had her hands on me all night, wanted mine on her. Drove her home, got a goodnight kiss. Few days later, made a date. An hour later, she cancelled. Day later, she messaged me that she just wants to be friends.

Have another, loved her the moment I set eyes on her. She knew it too. We’ve been friends for years. She’s told me she loves me, and dreams/fantasizes about me. She tells me how her current BF […]

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Pain.

by outtatime
written by outtatime

I’d say I have good reasons for wanting to go, personally. Even just going beyond the basics of the depression, agoraphobia, social anxiety, borderline, etc. And yes, I’ve tried all the treatments for those. Over a dozen different medications over the years, plus a course or two of ECT, no success.

My entire life, I’ve lived with pain. I’ve had a headache, every waking moment of every day. Sometimes better, sometimes worse, but always there. Constant, unrelenting pain. I’ve gone to doctor after doctor, had multiple EEGs, x-rays, CT scans, even an MRI. And yet the docs have never been able to figure out a cause, […]

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Almost done.

by outtatime
written by outtatime

where to start?

i’ve wanted to die for as long as i can remember. since at least the age of 10. there hasn’t been a day that’s gone by when i’ve been free of that desire. not one day when, if someone offered to help me end it, i would have refused them.

i’m 40 now. massive depression, anxiety, that kind of stuff. haven’t been able to work in over 10 years, had to move back home. haven’t been able to leave the house on my own in a few years either, and even with support it’s getting harder to go outside.

one sample story…

i’ve had one big […]

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