I told my wife that last week I was deeply depressed, and we processed by feelings. If I had told her that I was severely depressed that would have had undesirable and unintended consequences. This morning I told her that I felt better which in some self-delusional sense is true. But I also told her that I thought of suicide, and it’s as if she was shocked. Last year I had a major depressive episode and had acute suicidal ideations. I told her that I expected that I would suffer with suicidal thoughts at least for the foreseeable future and maybe even for the […]
“If only there was a way I would not see another day. A year has gone without these thoughts in my mind, but now that peace is all behind. Another sleepless night beneath an indifferent sky convinces me that I should die.”
What a pathetic excuse is this gallows poetry. It’s typical of me. A useless narcissistic ploy to call attention to myself by some second grade rhymes.
The truly exceptional people in this world don’t need to call attention to themselves. It’s only an arrogant fool who needs to compensate for his inferiority by saying, “Look at me! Look at me! See how clever I […]
Last year I was hospitalized and then I went to a residential treatment facility to be treated for an extreme depressive episode. I remember self-admitting to the behavioral health unit. I was so out of place. I had never had an experience like that. I’ve never used drugs, and in my group therapy sessions I saw first hand how much pain addiction caused.
It’s been a year since I was released. I’ve visited with a therapist, and I’m still seeing my psychiatrist.
After all of this, my thoughts of suicide are creeping back in. I read a story about two teenage girls who killed themselves, and one […]
I have an appointment this afternoon with my therapist. Â Do I tell him that my suicidal thoughts are beginning to reoccur with greater frequency? Â For so long since I was hospitalized last year, I’ve been free of thoughts of killing myself.
I don’t want to go back into the hospital or into a residential mental health facility because I’ve admitted my depression is growing. Â I also don’t want to disappoint my family by relapsing.
This weekend my wife, my oldest daughter, and I visited my youngest daughter who’s away at college. Â I was very irritable, probably more so than at any time since I was treated. Irritability […]
I’ve tried not to be depressed, and I’ve tried not to let suicidal thoughts creep back into my mind. Â One tenet of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is that if someone can change the way he or she thinks that will affect their behavior–sort of the scientific version of the power of positive thinking.
When I was released from the hospital and my residential treatment program I could relate to CBT. Â It was last July that I transitioned to out-patient treatment. Â For so long I haven’t had suicidal thoughts. Â But that’s changing, and I’m thinking more and more of killing myself. Â (There I said it.) Â Being hospitalized and […]
Last week was particularly bad, and I had repeated thoughts about suicide–after many months of not having those thoughts.
Then on Sunday I was much better. Â I gave my oldest daughter a special gift. Â I had my Rolex readjusted so that it fit her. Â I got so much joy watching her wear it. Â I’ve always told her that she could have it as an heirloom when I died, but I wanted the chance to watch her enjoy it. Â I was so happy about giving it to her. Â Yesterday, I was in a board meeting for a charity I serve on and got two nice compliments. […]
I spend more and more time thinking how to kill myself.
Last year I was hospitalized (self-admitted) because of severe suicidal ideation. Â I spent a week in an emergency mental health ward and then was released and stayed in a recovery facility.
I’ve been to therapy and still see my therapist. Â I have a psychiatrist and still take my Wellbutrin. Â I’ve had ups and downs, but since I was discharged I haven’t had any more suicidal thoughts…until now.
I’ve worked at CBT, I journal regularly, I don’t isolate, I have a support system. Â My wife is wonderful, and we have a strong relationship. Â I’m close to my two college age daughters. Â I remember how much pain I caused […]