Love comes unexpectedly, it feels like a gust of wind strong enough to knock you off your feet, powerful enough to take your breath away. I feel as if God sent me an angel to temporarily take away the darkness that’s consumed me. But I’m already so far gone I’m bringing him down with me, and I see it in his face every time I lash out at him. I know he cares so much for me but I push him away when he tries to get closer to me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, my whole life I’ve longed for the feeling […]
Ever notice how everything is temporary.? Love, LIFE, happines etc… But depression, depression is forever it seems like. I wish it was temporary. I wish it was as easy to end depression as it is to end happiness. Depression will always be with me, and it sucks to know that. Because I am alone, even with so many people around I am alone. So I ask myself since everything is temporary what’s wrong with ending it early.? Then what would they all do.? Bury me and griev temporarily.. but my soul is will feel nothing, and I’d much rather feel numb, feel nothing at all […]
He is the only thing keeping me going these days. He tells me I’m special and how much he cares for me, what I’m worth, he puts a real smile on my face (the only person who can)… Without out him I wouldn’t be writing this I wouldn’t be here right now. If it wasn’t for his daily words of encouragement I would have taken my life or my mother would have locked me in the insane asylum a long time ago… But thanks to the one person who took the time to understand the time to pay attention and listen. Thanks to him I […]
I woke up feeling better than usual today and I’m not sure exactly why…. But I know in the back of my mind that this random feeling of “things are going to be okay” is only temporary like the small ray of sunshine you see through the darkest could in the gray sky it’ll eventually fade away…..
Someone once told me that since I am the oldest child in my family that pressure and stress comes with the job… He also said “it’s you that has to take the bullet for them” I feel as if I’ve taken the whole clip of a machine gun for them, but as I lay here surrounded by my suicidal thoughts… I cant help but hope that one day someone will step up and take the bullet for me… But by the looks of things that’s not in the near future anytime soon…..
I’m keeping all these feelings locked up inside of me, and they are beginning to eat at my soul, inside I feel like my heart has turned into a black hole sucking every ounce of happiness I can manage to obtain. The smile I wear each day is as fake as each person that says they care for me. I’m looking to obtain eternal happiness, and the only way it seems like I’m going to get it is in death. Because in life you can’t depend on anyone else but yourself, but what happens when even you give up on yourself.?
Everyone depends on me I do everything that I’m told with no questons and I get no appreciation, everyone and everything is leaning on me while I have nothing or no one to lean on… I just wanted to disappear from all of this negativity peacefully… But I don’t think I can muster up the courage to take my own life even though I think about doing it often…. I need a way OUT