I couldn’t do what you said
This is a death note instead
There’s these voices in my head
Just wanna put them to bed
They’ve been screaming ’bout the pain
That’s been coursing through each vein
I’ve been trying to hit reset
This is all such a mess
They said suicide is a sin
But this game I cannot win
I have this cycle. I am okay. Or at least I have myself almost convinced I am okay. And then I am less okay. And less okay. Until I am in this pit where nothing but my darkness exists. And I’ve been trying to cut out the darkness. Hoping precisely made incisions will help with all this pain. Maybe if I slit open the right spot it won’t hurt this much. But it does. I always fall back into this hole. And I don’t want to do it anymore.
The other day I wrapped up all my loose ends and went to sleep praying to a […]
I went to the roof of my five storey building. I stood on the ledge. I wonder if that is enough. I don’t want to wake up in the hospital.
I do care. I do. I care so much I go all in, surrender every ounce of being to them.
They never do. They don’t care.
And I’m tired. Tired of being the only ones who pulls all the weight around here.
I don’t want to die. I really don’t. Except everyday I go to sleep I wish this is the end. I wish I wouldn’t wake up. And every time I wake up I’m disappointed I did. And then I feel horrible about wanting to die when there are so many people who would give anything to live. So maybe I do want to die, but I just don’t want to kill myself. It’s why I had to stop the cutting, if I kept at it I would have killed myself.
There is a pit in my stomach and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I […]