I don’t know who I am, really. I don’t understand myself at times. Sometimes I think about diagnosis too much. Try to fit myself into a label. But the truth is, I’m a human being. I shouldn’t care about ‘what’ I am, I should care more about who I am. So what I lack some things most people have? For most part, I’m just as human as you are. I might be a little more logical than most of you, I tend to only use intellect and not emotions. I might be into some stuff most of you find weird (true crime, for example). But […]
I’m a FUCKING psychopath and I know it! I’m the sickest person you’re ever going to meet. I can’t remember the last time I felt the SLIGHTEST BIT of empathy. You don’t believe me? I don’t need you to. I’m a sick ***** who gets enjoyment out of other peoples pain. And my own pain as well. I’m a sadist who enjoys looking up serial killers and their ‘modus operandi’, the more horrible, the better. I manipulate people for my own enjoyment, still not convinced? I watched a real video of a real suicide (that was back when I wanted to kill myself, it was […]
I know friends can’t be replaced with anything else. But if you don’t have any friends, you can at least try to find something to love. That’s why I decided to get pets. We already have pets, but none of them are really my pets. The cats don’t like me because as a child I didn’t know how to play with animals. I would accidently(!) scare and hurt them. And the dog likes me, but I feel no connection with dogs. I’ve wanted my own pet for a while now, first I wanted to get a bearded dragon (it’s a kind of lizard), but they […]
I am sad. Yesterday was horrible! I just broke down onto the floor. I don’t know how long I was on the floor, but it feels like quite a long time. I was saying ‘I can’t do this, I can’t fucking do this’. And I cut, and I played with my own blood. My floor has white and black squares, like a chess-board. And I was bleeding onto one of the white squares, and I was just playing with it. Then I cleaned my floor and put some alcohol onto my arm so that I wouldn’t get any weird infections. Later that night I was […]
I had an argument with my father today, so I went to a park very close to me to ‘cool’ down. It’s a very small park (if you can even call it a park) with a large pond. The pond was frozen, there were a lot of small children ice-skating and stuff. I just stood there in the middle of the pond looking apathic. Nobody noticed me, they were all too busy having fun to notice a freak standing in the middle of the pond not moving at all. I secretly fantasized about undressing, laying down on the ice and freezing to death. Or making […]
Oh well, everyone seems to post their life-story on here, so why not.
School
My first memories are from when I was about 2 or maybe 3 (this is extraordinary, I know). At daycare they thought I was weird, other children wouldn’t play with me. They hated me. First year at elementary school was about the same, as was the second year. I had to redo the second year, but that school couldn’t handle me. I went to another school, which could handle me, at least, it could for a few years. I had a very nice teacher. Then the next year I got another teacher, […]