Every re occurring thought.
Every night, before I fall asleep.
When my mind is racing.
I go over my whole day.
I smile, I frown.
Some good days, some bad days.
Today.
Today was just a big mixture.
Like a roller coaster.
It’s going all over the place.
Big hills, little hills, fast turns, slow turns, big jumps, little jumps, upside down turns..
It’s a thrill to be in this life.
My day to day life is a roller coaster.
My Bi-polar disorder, is like a roller coaster.
I need to […]
Lord, I have to go.
Tell my father, my mother, brothers, my sister, my family, my foes, that I’ll miss them so.
But I have to go.
I don’t want to hear your constant bit**ing about me.
If I’m that horrible, give me away, send me away, take me away.
Anything to make you shut the f*ck up.
And stop putting me down.
You say you wanted to help me.
How long did that last?
Go to hell.
You don’t need me in your shi*ty life.
And I don’t need you in my shi*ty life.
All you did was give birth to me.
I mean, what the f*ck does that matter?
It’s not like I expect much of you..
I feel unwanted.
I feel hated.
I feel ugly.
I feel stupid.
I feel ashamed.
I feel empty.
I feel lost.
I feel weak.
I feel helpless.
I feel hopeless.
I feel dead.
I feel tired.
I feel like a fu** up.
I feel like a failure.
I feel angry.
I feel sad.
I feel depressed.
I feel fat.
I feel clumsy.
I feel like a mess.
I feel heavy.
I feel…Unwanted.
I think..
I think, I might end it tonight.
End my life.
Theres too much weight on my shoulders.
The sinking feeling on my heart.
The hollow feeling in my chest.
The feeling like no one cares.
Like no one loves you.
Everyone I love leaves..
Or walks away..
I don’t want to deal with that anymore.
I want to end it tonight.
I know I have the guts to.
I just don’t want my baby brother to see it.
I want to be alone and take my life.
I don’t know what to do anymore.
I know, my mom won’t care if I was to kill myself.
She’d be relieved to not have a daughter with a bi-polar disorder, serve depression..
Whose going to jail.
Who fucked up her life.
Who has blow outs any minute.
I’m worthless and I’m empty.
After this, I don’t think I can stand tall anymore.
I think I was brought down to low this time.
I hope she will be happy when I’m gone.
I hope she finds a man that will treat her right.
What needs to end?
Me.
I need to end.
Life’s getting out of control.
What needs to end, is me.
But I have to stay strong, and keep going.
Things will get better over time.
Who am I kidding.
It will just get worse over time.
I want to thank everyone, who brings me down, so low.
So low in fact, I have thoughts of killing myself.
And when the day comes, that you bring me so low. So low where I can’t get back up & brush myself off.
I hope […]
We all have regrets. Right?
We have all done something, that we regret.
I have made plenty of mistakes.
But I try my hardest to learn from them.
Life throws plenty of things at you.
But it’s just to see how strong you really are.
No ones perfect.
True.
But sometimes, we all wish we could be perfect.
Admit it..
You want so bad to have no problems.
You want to be happy 24/7.
You don’t want to lose your loved ones.
You want life to be filled of happiness.
Have so much money.
Give everything to everyone.
To see them happy.
You just want to be perfect.
But this is reality, and in reality, no one is perfect.
Sure, we look and people and think, “Man, they have it all. A perfect life.”
In life.
We all have options.
The choices we make.
Sometimes, we might not always make the right choices.
They are called mistkes.
We all make mistakes.
We need to learn from them.
It’s how we get on with life, and how we become stronger.
Sure, we have them rough patches.
But everyone has their own way of fixing them.
Sometimes, we keep making the same mistakes.
But when you make the same mistake once, and than again, you make the same “Mistake”, It’s a choice, not a mistake.
Learn from […]
Everyday.
Everyday, I want to give up.
Everyday, I want to end it all.
Everyday, I want it to be over.
But he is the only one holding me back.
My 5 year old brother.
I just can’t  seem to leave him alone on this cruel, harsh world.
I can’t let the world tear him up.
I can’t let him lose his big sister.
No matter how much I want to.
I can’t be selfish.
I will put him before everything.
He’s my world.
He is what keeps me going.
What hurts you the most?
What hurts me the most..
Is.
Being alone.
Being scared.
Being hurt.
I hate being alone…But I seem to isolate myself.
I hate being scared…but this is life, and I’m so scared of life.
I hate being hurt, but I’m always hurting.
Why can’t I be happy anymore.?
Why can’t I smile a real smile anymore?
Why?
Why can’t I feel so happy..so happy that all I want to do is scream?
Why?
The thing I don’t get.
People will beg you not to kill yourself, or hurt yourself.
but what I don’t get is, People come, people go. People die. It’s apart of everyday life.
They say they need you in life, but after being buried for a few weeks, they will be fine.
They won’t hurt as much.
They won’t cry.
They will be okay.
you’ll be okay..
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