I am so done
I’m falling, I’m sinning, and I’m scared as crap to repent
because it means facing my sins and making the same promise I keep making and I don’t know why i cant keep my promise to my Heavenly Father
I always plan on killing myself, on hurting myself, and i just want the pain to go away
I just want everything to be okay, just for one day so I can figure out how I can get everything under control in my life.
The only good thing in my life right now is my wonderful girlfriend.
But when my own family […]
I don’t want anyone’s pity, that’s not why I post on this site, this is just the only place where I can put down anything
So basically, typical depressed male teenager story, plus a few details
Anyway, I just…I’m lost, I spend most of my time alone, even though I fear isolation, though I’m welcoming it more and more. I was crying during lunch today at school because somebody came up to me and wanted to know what was wrong, and how they could help. But they can’t. I know this is vague, I’ve never been one for details, I don’t talk to people much. Honestly the […]
So my dad’s found about my self-harm and suicidal stuff
And I have to go a counselor every Tuesday
Does this mean everythings starting to heal? Or will everything I’ve been trying to build (my life) crumble back to dust back when I first got depressed? This is probably my paranoia, Â just don’t know what’s gonna happen
I feel like I can get better, but my family is constantly fighting and it gets so bad I have to actually leave for hours at a time so I can just get away, I’m lucky I don’t pass anything I can use for self-harm, I don’t even know […]
So for awhile now I’ve been trying to hold on, and I know what I need to do is call a suicide hotline, but today right after school I caught myself looking at pill bottles, freaking pill bottles to see if  a side effect was death.
I just don’t know anymore.
Their is this one girl who I like, and she likes me, and we tell everything to each other. She knows about my depression, self harm and suicide attempt and thoughts, but I don’t think I can ever tell her about today.
Feels like the only place I can freely talk about this stuff […]
I’m at a crossroads now
I either die
Or I find a way to live
I better just sleep on it
I’m not in a good mind set right now
So i’ve started hurting myself again in my sneaky way
all pain
no lasting scars
But now it doesn’t seem like enough and I don’t know what to do
I want my emotions to go away so i don’t do anything drastic, but ugh it’s just so confusing
So i guess that was the rant  for today
I don’t even know what to say
Besides the fact I need someone to talk to, someone who understands loss and pain of a massive scale
I know this seems short, I just don’t know what to say