i felt kinda good this morning so i told myself i would at least not kill myself on the fourth if one of my best friends texted me some kinda merry christmas or just along those lines… yea that didn’t happen
Alright guys I’ve picked out my date Jan fourth, I can finally just slip away I unfortunately had to set it further off then I would have liked but I didn’t want to inconvenience my family or make their holidays worse but I’m pretty stoked I’m gona go pick some razors up and grab a few bottles of hard liquer while I visit family in Michigan. I never have to See the age of 20 now which I also good news anyways wish me luck or something ehh but you guys probably got to put up with me for a bit longer again I wish […]
I have 4 amazing wonderful people who I call my best friends, the thing is I don’t Think one of them likes me very much we’ll hang out always after me initiating something sometimes they’ll let me crash at their house when I’m lucky, but I can’t escape the feeling that I just get more out of their presence then they ever do get out of mine, I feel awful knowing I’m just a charity case, they all know I cut I don’t know the extent of what they know about my plan for suicide I don’t really want any of them to know, they probably […]
i just wish i was special
i grew up with both my parents being psychologists, arguing was usually a nightmare, watching them fight before the divorce was almost worse not that i was ever too broken up about it. What it taught me though was a very good understanding of the mental health system, and more so how to deceive it my entire life, i knew what to say and how to say it, which kept me out of the wards even when i was walking around with massive cuts on my arms. You see the problem with lying though is you distort reality, and thats just what i did and […]
it just seems to me now at any point in time no matter my expresion or actions it’s in my mind, i cant get rid of it and i dont think i want it to leave me sometimes, but i feel guilty about leaving, i know how i want to do it, i’ve tried before always the same way slitting my wrists i got so close recently but my friend broke down the bathroom stall before i could fully bleed out but I was so close I could feel the refreshing breath on my burning skin. It never mattered that i had friends to hand […]