I am spiraling. I am breaking. I am fucking losing it. My mind doesn’t stop. The pain doesn’t stop. I want to scream and tear my hair out and cut my skin to shreds. I haven’t cut in years, now I can’t stop thinking about it. I just need to stop the hurt. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I have no control? I wish I could die in my sleep. Be hit by a bus. Have an aneurism blow up my head. I just want it to stop. Why won’t it stop. Please make it stop.
Living each day with so much difficulty, having to force myself through each task or activity is so exhausting. I don’t even have the energy to commit to dying. I wish there was a switch to flip so it could just end. I feel like a burden on my husband. He is so good to me and all I do is treat him like shit and fuck up his life with all my bullshit. I am torn between wanting to live for them and wanting to die for them. . . and for me. I’m just not strong enough to keep going. I just […]
I just want to stop feeling. I don’t want to die. I only think about dying as a way to stop feeling. Every feeling is heightened. I was recently diagnosed as bipolar 2. I am overwhelmed. I am rage. I am sadness. I am despair. I am not feeling these feelings, I become them. I am lost.