I’m not gonna make it.

I am spiraling. I am breaking. I am fucking losing it. My mind doesn’t stop. The pain doesn’t stop. I want to scream and tear my hair out and cut my skin to shreds. I haven’t cut in years, now I can’t stop thinking about it. I just need to stop the hurt. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I have no control? I wish I could die in my sleep. Be hit by a bus. Have an aneurism blow up my head. I just want it to stop. Why won’t it stop. Please make it stop.