I will miss my dog, my faithful and constant companion who only ever gave me cold wet nose kisses and unconditional love and comfort and never asked or expected anything in return except for belly rubs and playing fetch (and food and walks). I will miss music, and art, and creative energy, and the power of performance: the amazing and beautiful things people are capable of accomplishing when they can put their minds to it. I will miss food — anticipating it, preparing it, enjoying the tastes and delicious smells of it. I will miss films and television, from the artsy farts to the campy […]
I swear I had all the preparations done. Everything was in place. The method, the suicide letters to my family and friend, the timing.
Out of the blue I receive a message from the other side of the world. A 30-minute conversation has thrown my suicidal ideations out of the realm of “must” and into the chaotic reality of “should” and “can”.
I thought I had found my way out of the wilderness into the dark. Suddenly there’s a light. An unavoidable brightness lighting the path of a monster (me) that was blind to all else for too long.
Am I imagining this? Is my mind/body fighting so […]
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
It follows that as Death stands at my door — or rather as I stand before Death’s door knocking madly — that Existential Dread creeps into every thought like so much metaphysical graffiti.
These last few dark days the Serenity Prayer has been drifting in and out of my head. I always read those words as an uplifting call to soldier on in Life. Now I see a different meaning: Free Will. Only the Self can truly possess the […]
At the moment of catastrophe, at the threshold of certain death, this is when we confess our sins.
I called the BS National Suicide Prevention hotline. What a joke and then some. A waste of breath and time and hope. I’m glad in a way that this forum exists so those of us who are not kidding around with how serious life and death are can speak our minds and leave a little piece of ourselves behind without judgement.
I have been planning my suicide for 9 months. Well, my entire sentient conscientious life anyway. But now it comes to it and I’m terrified. There I said […]