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Crossroad or (Divine) Intervention

by sequesther314

I swear I had all the preparations done. Everything was in place. The method, the suicide letters to my family and friend, the timing.

Out of the blue I receive a message from the other side of the world. A 30-minute conversation has thrown my suicidal ideations out of the realm of “must” and into the chaotic reality of “should” and “can”.

I thought I had found my way out of the wilderness into the dark. Suddenly there’s a light. An unavoidable brightness lighting the path of a monster (me) that was blind to all else for too long.

Am I imagining this? Is my mind/body fighting so desperately to preserve itself at the end that I am now suddenly questioning my determined end?

The countdown’s on…4 3 2 1

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Cause of Death: Suicide 11/18/2019 - 10:44 am

Sounds familiar, my suicide went from ‘probably should’ to ‘there is absolutely no way I can not kill myself’ my life is absolute trash …

Cause of Death: Suicide 11/19/2019 - 1:50 pm

I was also going to add, at the end you say that your body is persevering to survive after you have chosen death, I was going to say I feel that way most currently but kind of opposite. I had planned to kill myself for many many many many years on the day I turned 18 but I was forced to remain alive against my will, and my autonomy. But I feel like although, I’m 25 now and never got my fairytale ending (bullet in the head), my body might assist me and die before long anyhow without the assistance of the bullet, if that makes sense? So that is what I am currently wishing on, but idk how long it will be before my body either shuts down or I finally commit.

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