shatterediris

So…. Today I guess was fairly good…. I think there may be a mild problem…. My counselor sort of talked me into maybe trying Pokemon go (although there were barriers there, or otherwise I would have been already possibly) so basically I got myself a $20 pre-paid phone (don’t worry I didn’t/am not going to activate it) to use essentially as a tablet (using my phone as a mobile hotspot (unlimited data plans are nice actually)) and that runs the game perfectly fine…. Now the main problem is that I kind of get a bit too serious about mmo’s…. I kind of thought that this […]

Why am I so awkward? I was so awkward and uncomfortable tonight, and everything was just wrong…. what’w wrong with me? I don’t want to have to be alive tomorrow, I hope that I die tonight.

So I have been away for awhile, mostly because my father was home…. which made me value my time without him differently, and a lot of things did happen…. I have no idea what is happening overall though, so many horrible things and so many not horrible things…. I kind of wish I had actually not been a little ***** two Fridays ago and actually had killed myself, I wouldn’t have had to deal with this….

Although I felt pre bad about that, as my closest friend called me the next Sunday, he was upset as one of his other friends had died that Saturday, so I […]

Meh last night was interesting…. I slept for like 16 or so hours, and now my sense of time is rather messed up…. :/ when I woke up for some reason I thought two weeks had passed…. that was concerning…. I’m almost out of my medicine now though 🙁 but I have two more refills ^_^ maybe next time I will take the entirety of the bottle from the full condition instead of like the half full condition. And yeah I did somewhat know that what I took wouldn’t kill me, I am actually kind of happy that I did that instead of doing something […]

I may kill myself tonight….

I have some strange interests…. However I sort of have an opportunity to pursue one with some other people, which could help me improve greatly…. But that would mean being much less private about it…. so far only a hand full of people even know that it’s an interest of mine…. :/ And nobody has witnessed me in the middle of it as of yet…. I’ve been wanting to show my favourite person but I’ve been too scared…. Should I pursue this? O.o It will probably be good, but the entire idea is scary.

Welp I missed class yesterday, that’s great :s but at least I’m going to go to class today (about to leave)

However when I put my pants back on I decided to actually move the money I was given this week to its proper place, turns out I lost most of it -_- So basically now I have like $10 for the week now :S Meh I guess I can make that work, but I wanted to be able to have a picnic with people this week, but now I don’t have the money to buy food for it :/ I’m annoyed with myself…. And now […]

Still around? O.o

I can’t remember exactly how your name looks, but I haven’t seen you around for a bit (maybe like a week or so) are you still around? If so how are things? Are you okay? :/

I hate the day after a really good day…. It feels really bad…. It may be because I notice how bad I feel normally compared to how great I can feel…. Is this normal for people? Tonight is going to be a bit hard…. I was happy that I was able to sleep threw most of today though, slept for about 22 hours total…. That was nice, at least…. But now grrrr -_- I’m upset that I missed an entire day and upset that I am not spending time with people right now :/

today was great…. saw my two favorite people, one of them brought his little dog…. (puppy and small breed, like 7 weeks old) well not his but one he’s watching…. I picked him up then we met the other, we went hiking a decent distance (me and the one with the dog are in sort of bad shape :/) Eventually they decided that they wanted to go swimming we did go to the river and they swam. and their dog did a bit of swimming (with them watching him closely) He’s going to need a bath…. and then we went and got some fried ice […]

I get to see my favourite person on Thursday ^_^ I’m so happy 😀 only for 4 hours though, but it will be great anyway ^_^

I would really like to know this…. I feel like a large reason why I’m not good at a decent number of things that I do is because I just lack self-esteem…. Like even lots of practice with skills doesn’t remove this, like what more can I do to gain confidence? I feel that it would help me out quite a bit if I could figure this out.

So today my father and I went to KFC…. They got the order wrong. very very wrong…. Like the order my father placed was for 7 pieces of legs and thighs and we ended up getting 6 pieces of wings. We called, and had to drive back (20ish mile drive) then the person tried to just give us one piece then got really upset when she was asked if she even listened as the pieces were also wrong in addition to one missing…. That ended up with me turning into a complete asshole and causing a scene…. She seemed pre upset, I eventually just demanded […]

I’m not doing well, I don’t know why though…. I feel quite horrible worse than normal. I was doing okay, but now I’m feeling overwhelmed by everything. I’m going to hurt myself I know it. I don’t want to quit, but I want to want to quit…. Nothing else helps -_- Maybe I should drink some bleach or something tonight, see what happens when I actually manage to not vomit several minutes later. :/

*edit because I forgot stuff, and got upset after posting this*

And I was so happy about having most of the dishes done yesterday too…. well sort of yesterday, sometime before this mourning […]

welp my friend informed me that he doesn’t hate me anymore so yay ^_^

I really want to do something with him tomorrow but that’s doubtful to occur, since he did something last week with me, so it’ll probably be another week at least before we do something again…. I kind of want to suggest having a picnic though, as I sort of mentioned that last week and he didn’t seem to reject the idea entirely, and I feel like it would be a nice thing to do. I can make the food, I has cooking skills…. I’m uncertain of what to make for a picnic […]