I am just so exhausted… So utterly exhausted. It’s never going to change .. I don’t think I will ever change I think I’m just always gunna be fucked up. I’m just so tired , so tired of it. I’m so tired of always being tired but not getting to sleep at night like I desperately need all day, so tired of no motivation to do anything . I’m tired of always being sick from lung infections to strep throat, always on a new medication , it never seems to stop. I’m tired of being moody, and freaking out over the littlest things than right […]
I am so angry with myself, I just want this to stop. I’m mad that I could be like this. I get really angry with my loved one I don’t even mean too … Than shortly after I’m crying about it cause I feel like such a fucking asshole . How can I get so angry with something so stupid, why is every little thing that he does or that happens have to get to me? I want it to change but I don’t know how to control it, and I try to tell him I have no control but he can’t understand because he […]
I want to share my experience with drug use and how it’s only added to my problems, not take me from reality, not make the pain go away. They only add pain.
When I was 13, I started smoking marijuana in my 8th year of school . No big deal to me, even today I still do, but it stopped helping my depression awhile ago. I quit for a bit, and became a ‘goody goody’ per say. In grade nine, I believe I was still 13 , perhaps just trned 14 I started to smoke weed again, since it was fun and all my nerdy friends […]
It’s just getting worse… The emptiness is showing.. I feel like I am going crazy, I’m losing my mind to this disease! How long till I fully lose it? It’s becoming more apparent I’ve gone fucking nutso. I’m scared , to break. I can only fight it for so long… How much longer can I hold off? The anxiety is at it’s peak, the depression has never been so high.. The bipolar is starting to come out more. How long till I snap? I’m so sick of this world.. So done with society, so tired of living. No one gets it, at least no one […]
Today is already worse than any others. I can’t bring a smile to my face, I don’t want to… No motivation, no will. Today I finally told him the problem I’ve been dealing with for a long time now… I think it hurt him 🙁 but I knew he couldn’t understand… Hes supposed to make me the happiest person and the world and now he feels like he’s not doing everything he could but it’s not him, he’s not why I’m like this. It’s me, I’m the one doing this to myself, I feel like I’m losing grip. I’m trapped in my own hell, I […]
Every day is the same. I wake up , ready to fall back to sleep. Back to the darkness of my mind thatswallows me whole, place of peace in a world of hate. No motivation left… Sleep through every class, can’t focus , cant process… Feeling stupid; can’t think. It’s only getting harder, everythings getting worse. Things get to me more everyday. I’m close to my breaking point. Sometimes I wonder what the easiest was is to go.. Would popping a pill bottle worth of tylenol do anything? I feel like im going to go no where in life as it is…
If anything could explain […]
It’s 1:17 Am… My heart is acting up again…. feels almost like it’s skipping a beat… like its going irregular. Then its okay…Just another thing to add to that feeling of death or dying inside me. I am not living, and as far as I can tell… I am doomed to an early death anyways. Tonight i will close my eyes, and in the darkness i will wish to never awake from my slumber, for tomorrow is not something i want to see anymore. .
Society is a fucking useless term. We are not human, what kind of human is set out to make other people feel more in hell? There is already an empty pit inside, already that void… feeling of despair and emptiness.. So why the hell would anyone go into someones life… and try to ruin any salvation they have for hope? My mind is already hell enough, please stop adding things for it to over-process. I don’t need this, this is one reason I’m in the darkest places of my mind… Why would you try to take away the one little ember left, the one that may […]
So… I’ve never been good at talking about my problems…. but here it goes..
For the past year I have had major depression problems… Which shouldn’t make sense, I have awesome friends, an okay family and an amazing boyfriend… Yet nothing seems right. Nothing fills the void.. Every day I wake up and ask why I didn’t pass in my sleep … I wish every night not to wake up. Lately I have also been extremely sick, from lung infection to ears, to having strep throat. I have no life left in me, there is no candle light burning… It went out a long time ago, […]