i live in a state of terror praying people away feeling like they are going to smash thru and take from me what they want. i clench my teeth at night. i hear things no one should have to hear. i gave up on god long ago yet god never lets up on me except to remind me hes not going to do anything to help me. i go thru a fog with my head bent terrified to be seen lest they attack me or kill me or rape me or burn me alive for being on disability, i only deserve to suffer. i am […]
i am worried that some people on here are trolling this site looking for the vulnerable. rest assured i am strong. yet in pain. i am so lonely right now. i made the mistake of calling my parents’ home. my mother is heavily into gaslighting and loves to confuse my mind. i screamed at her called her a name left a nasty message for them both and then fell into some guilt. now i dont care. i would give anything not to be this person anymore, hanging on by a thin thread. the agony of alone can destroy you. sick of the gd voices but […]
tired of my pain
tired of this place
tired of clenching my teeth at night, tired of his voice, tired of the cold hard floor and the lousy couch bed, tired of being a woman beaten to a pulp turning her strength against herself, tired of rosaries and patriarchal religions, tired of men who dont care, tired of the demons, tired. tired of them having kind parents. tired of the thoughts. tired of the anxieties so deep they prevent you from doing anything at all, tired of being afraid, tired of this draining, loud, triggering, horrific life i lead, tired. tired of pretending, tired of the four […]
When you get to the point where there is no relief, and all your brain does is torture you, it is time to get the fuck off this hell hole. PTSD I would not wish on my worst enemy nor the constant anxiety and dark bad thoughts. The sexual abuse of children is a societal evil society denies. I cast God into the tormenting hell he put me in, and lock the door on his sadism. God doesn’t give a fuck about me. I cast out my father’s evil voice and these GD demons, b/c they are no better than God. They are worse, but […]
Yeah it doesnt really help to have people posting saying only I can solve my problems. NO offense, but I know that. Im trying to express pain. Do you have ptsd from being sexually abused, do you know the myriad number of symptoms? mine was so bad i ended up on the street. my flesh is battered and worn from years of trauma. i want off disability, out of this cold and triggering hellhole where i live right now in new england, no bus on the weekends, last two cars i had more or less blew up, old and worthless after a few short months, […]
I am tired and not sleeping well. I need a bed to sleep on. I have an appt. to try and get chemicals for my brain. Living near my abuser who molested me in a place that has triggered me where I no longer sleep well with no car to escape in is not good. I’ve lost a priest, am scared all the time, lost a lot. Not able to cope anymore with this in the cold winter. I have to walk to get groceries or take the bus during the week or beg for rides. Everything I do is hard and I do it […]
I’m still trying to hang on to my life. I’m exhausted by bad ptsd symptoms. I want to move away from my abuser and feel trapped on disability. My brain is so tired and I hear voices at night. My internet and phone on the same day went out and it was hell. By the grace of God thank you Jesus the internet is bad on, and I still have to find another phone carrier b/c Verizon was not helpful in getting me an upgrade. Stupid story. I am terrified of the new neighbor coming in and I am missing my priest who left and […]
I have had a miserably hard life. I dont know how to write this or why i should or why anyone would care. i was molested and smothered as a child by my very sick father and my very sick mother did nothing about it. they drink. i dont remember most of my childhood and what i do remember is horrific. my father’s seductive abuse of me continued as a teenager. my younger brother went crazy and is now living in a halfway house and has had issues with the law and with alcohol. my older brother b/c a lawyer and had two children and […]
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