I keep having dreams where she kills herself, and I wake up feeling as if the world had ended. The crushing weight and anxiety on my chest is too much to bear. Seeing her alive and well makes everything better and soon I forget the dreams but then they come again and I see her, then I wonder for how long all of this will last before the dreams come true, it would kill me. I dint want to even think about it but in trapped in this cycle now
i war with myself constantly, going from extreme highs to lowly lows. I don’t know what to do, I always over react and I always make mistakes, I’m like a sporadic pendulumI swing from doing what’s right and what’s wrong so quickly. my life’s a mess.in the long run I think I’m going to get a truck and I’m going to do some traveling probably go from one corner of the Americas to the other. and in the end of find a nice quiet and beautiful place then I will remove my stained from humanity. in the end I guess nothing was worth it, we […]
I dont feel like ive explained myself well enough in the first post , since leaving the basement i feel as if my life has changed to frequently, that nothing is substantial or sustainable, i have had the worst luck and the best fortune all at the same time, so many people have stopped there lives to benifit mine and reverse side of that is so many people have walked over my life to get what they want, i just cant believe i got out, just as i resigned myself to my fate i got freed? tell me that isnt coincidence, this cant be real, […]
I often question the reality in which i live, sometimes i think it is an elaborate ploy. An illusion manifested by my subconscious to shield me from an ever harsher reality i maybe it. I fear that i am still locked in my mothers basement,that i was never let out. I think i maybe lying in the fetal position in the corner of the dark basement with the stone wall pressed into my back. Maybe i never did get out. I image the longer i was down there and the more i realized i may never know a life outside of that darkness the more […]