My darkness rises with the moon.
Every night I live the same war.
To cut or not to cut. (Sorry, I’m a Shakespearean geek)
But I know that it’s never really a question.
I can picture the blood, feel the burn, and I know it’s coming and that I can’t stop it.
It should probably scare me, or at least make me feel a little nauseous.
But as usual, I feel nothing.
I know the blood will set me free.
At least until the moon visits again.
When I woke up yesterday I was 4 months clean.
When I woke up this morning, I was a failure
I met a boy. He asked me out. And I was excited. Until I remembered.
I come from a different world than him. I come from a world that preys on the innocent and the ignorant and rots them from the inside out. I come from a world that takes pleasure in pain, in blood, in tears. My world is the worst kind of war, the worst kind of pain, the worst kind of silence.
And I have a responsibility to never let him into that world. I cannot introduce another innocent, beautiful soul into this darkness. I cannot let the pain take away his laugh and […]
You cut and you wait for them to heal
Its been 5 years. I’m just starting to realize that they never will
The day he was born I no longer felt alone.
He was mine to protect.
I failed.
That night, he saw.
He saw my blood.
He saw my cuts.
He heard my tears.
My biggest failure of all: I failed him.
The weight on your chest never ends.
He is the beginning,
He is the weight,
Physically crushing,
The pain follows,
Heavier than he was.
The black hole in your chest,
Ripping your insides apart.
The cuts are the closer,
The release and the cause simultaneously,
The blood runs,
You get one true breath in,
The weight returns
You know its not the end,
Tomorrow he will be there.
He will find you.
The weight will never end
I am not a newbie when it comes to depression, or anxiety, or suicide. But I am when it comes to talking about it. Why do people have to judge and make it so hard? They are allowed to have broken bones, so why are we not allowed to have broken minds?
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