I was so convinced I was grateful a few days ago. I’m in FL visiting my mom, and I was so sure the getaway would be a healing one. This morning I woke up in an internal bottled-up rage fit. I’m an afterthought to everyone. Everyone I know is in recovery benefitting from it. For some reason, I feel I’m too sick to save. The benefits of the twelve steps are out of reach to me, and too much time has passed in isolation to make up for any of it now. I want to be taken out swiftly and painlessly. Ideally, a […]
It’s true: hurt people hurt people. I’ve never walked around rejecting others while genuinely in a happy state. On the other hand, when I hurt, I hurt those around me; not always intentionally or maliciously. It’s more of a”too stuck in my head to deal with anyone else” kind of hurting. Sometimes, it manifests itself in the form of quickly rejecting the presence of those around me so I can not-soon-enough resume my isolation. The chiming in of anyone else is dismissed as nothing short of a threatening disturbance.
I normally stave off the constant “get me out of here” feeling through substances or the validating […]