You know what I did and you know what I saw. I know your going to leave me high and dry, I saw you telling her. Everyone’s telling you to leave me I know. I’m tired of the name calling, crying ,memories and the attempted exertion of power and control we have with each other. You win! And you are correct, I am nothing and have nothing. I am sorry my loved one, but I cleaned the house for you and did your washing so it won’t be too hard for you. Sorry mum and dad I didn’t want to leave you with this after […]
What do you really care for me bastard? You spend your whole lunch hour speaking to your ex. I bet you never called her an ugly slut bastard. I bet you didn’t come home and belittle her bastard. What am I to you bastard? A means to live and eat until your compensation comes through bastard? Did you ever flick ciggerettes at her bastard? Did you ever pour beer on her head bastard? I’ll show you and your ex bastard! I can’t legally get you to leave the house bastard but once you open that bedroom door this afternoon and find my pale body hanging […]
Life is tough even on our own but I assure you it is much easier solo. How do you please one that cannot be pleased because they secretly yearn for their ex fiancé and children. I did not take them from you, she did. I am only here as a pathetic replacement, I can understand that. I am very aware I do not and can not provide you with the same stability and domestic service. I am a young woman with bipolar and it is hard enough to take care of myself and my house financially let alone you also. I do not have the […]
Entry 3
Beer beer I’m drinking beer. I’m gonna get drunk and overcome my fear.
I couldn’t afford it but that’s okay I don’t need money where I’m going anyway. Only a gold coin to pay the man so he can ferry me far away from this land.
All the bad memories and actions past, I’ll make them end very fast. The daily stresses and endless fights will surely be over after tonight. I’m done and spent I’ll tell you that. I don’t have to worry this beer will make me fat.
Goodbye mum goodbye dad I’m so sorry that I was so bad. Goodbye lover who was only […]
We fought last night and the harsh truth came out. My deepest fears swam to the surface drawn out by his mouth. I begged and told him my fears and troubles and they were confirmed by telling me they were uncared for and deserved. My being, dignity, pride and any settlement in self were mashed all by his sewer. My place and image in the workplace shifted to the bad plain because of him and his embarrassing mouth trying all too hard to gain masculinity. I am uncomfortable in my skin, squirming with shame to get out because of him. Him,him him. I am apparently […]
Today I had to see the doctor. He upped my medication. I went about my errands ignoring the everyday,past and future stresses that plague my mind, constant racing to be on work on time, get paid this week, please my loved one and not crash and burn. The bustle on the other hand gives my life substance but I feel a balance will fall askew. My job in sales gives me a certain social interaction I have craved in my life but it has also shown me the harsh truth about human kind and their mindset. People and their brains are easily manipulated and like […]