Still doing crap. Wishing for death. In fact just this morning while on the way to work I quietly asked god to take me. Felt like rubbish all day and then it felt like I was having a heart attack. For real. I started to panic. I realised maybe god heard me. Then I didnt want to go. I wanted to say goodbye one more time to my kids. Even my wife and I who were fighting even this morning I didnt want our last words to be hate filled. My mother and I are on bad terms. I suddenly realised although I cant bear […]
Well we had a large family fight this year, this time I have vowed to never speak to my mother again, as well as one of my brothers. We’re all grown adults but mum cant let her divorce go, 15 years on. After being labelled a ‘traitor’ and ‘disloyal’ for visiting my fathers side of the family, I exploded. This happened last year too, only then we walked in happily only to have her blast me and my wife for having the ‘nerve’ to visit them. Well we promised if she does anything this year, thats it, no more. She did, big fight, my wife […]
Its been a bit over a month since I made my first (and only) post here. Since then, I rebounded, was on a high, doing alright actually.
Today Ive rebounded back down. Funny how suddenly it hits. And I can tell you when it hit. Some jerk at work with no courtesy ringing and carrying on that I send him a weekly report, which he doesnt want (I guess delete and ignore like everyone else does isnt in his brain). Just being put back in my place is all it takes. Now here I am wishing it was all over again.
Of course its much more complex […]
I really dont know anymore. After going through depression since leaving high school 12 years ago, through to today, Ive just had enough. I dont mean that in a violent, angry or emotional way, I’m just tired of it all.
The usual stories blah blah, yeah Im married (its not an easy one but we do love each other), have 2 great kids, which frankly are my world. In fact, if not for them I’d be gone right now. I cant abandon them, but dont feel like I should be here anymore. Its weird.
Im not well off financially, have a boring standard lower middle class admin […]