so everyone has their ups and downs, i just don’t get why the downs always last longer than the ups?
I was going so well hadn’t cut for almost 2 weeks and than boom out of nowhere the downward spiral begins again, the things that were helping me cope no longer help, I never feel like eating and never really sleep anymore. the only thing I want is the feeling of the blade on my skin and a bottle at my mouth. I feel nothing anymore, just empty and numb, the only thing that makes me even the slightest big less empty is the sight […]
proud to say I have been doing so much better, I don’t cut as much and my cuts are actually starting to heal.
It feels pretty good 🙂
life really just makes no sense to me. it’s a never ending circle of hypocrisy, people motivated by there own person agendas with no consideration for how what there doing affects the rest of society. It’s not just politicians or business persons but it’s just about everyone who is willing to sacrifice everything and destroy everyone that has the potential to stand in there way. It’s the bullies in school, the teachers who don’t understand you, the parents who think “it’s just a phase” or don’t even care.
I realize my rant is slightly of the topic this site is intended for but it’s these […]
Why is it that when you’re feeling even remotely happy or good about yourself something or someone has to knock you down?
I was so proud of myself for making it almost a whole 24 hours without cutting, and for me that was quiet an achievement, but them when I told a close friend (and the only person other then those on this site) about this achievement she proceeded to tell me about how pathetic it was to be happy about this, that normal people don’t count the days or hours that they haven’t cut, because there not stupid like me and don’t cut. I thought […]
Took a very unwanted stroll down memory lane, was reminded of all the horrible things that happened in my life that my family blame me for. my parents getting divorced when i was 4 years old… my fault, my dad walking out on me for a woman… also my fault, being constantly reminded that I’m not as good as my siblings and blackening the family name because i’m not perfect… my fault, being called fat and ugly is also my fault because they wouldn’t have to say it if it wasn’t true.
Being reminded of all the years i was bullied in school and all […]
Hush a bye baby, Now close your eyes
And dream of broken butterflies
That tore their wings upon a thorn
You know the pain that they’ve endured
Drifting dreamer
So soft, so sweet
Cut your wrists and bleed on the sheets
Slashing and thrashing
While black tears flow
Crimson stains now mark your pillow
Smiling cutter no more, no less
As you beg for the kiss of death
Dreaming slicer all tucked in bed
It will be long past morning
Before they realise your dead
Rock a bye baby, and say goodbye
Let’s fly away with the butterflies
Slice away
Just one more slash
Down comes baby
Into […]
why? it’s a question I am always asking myself
why am I doing this?
why do I want to be perfect?
why me?
why am I different?
why do people treat me like this?
why do I harm myself?
why do I hate myself?
why do other people hate me?
and I don’t know how to answer any of them, but they’re always there haunting me, making me hate myself for what I do, make me hate everyone else for not caring enough to notice me, make me hate my life and causing me to inflict more self harm. It is a never ending circle, one I feel I will never escape, […]
I guess a good place to start would be the beginning but I don’t really know where that is. I guess as a kid I always struggled fitting in, I wasn’t the same as everyone else and that was noticeable from a youngish age, I was always bullied in school for being different and was always being physically abused by the other kids. No one ever believed me when I’d tell them what was happening and thought it was all my fault for being so different and started punishing myself for it. At the age of 10 I started cutting and didn’t know that it […]